ON THE ROAD

10-point bonus for the school nickname of Boiling Springs (Pa.) High School. ;D

 

Bubblers?

 

You get the 10 points ... but you oughta get it.

 

Boiling Springs isn't very easy to find. It's like you have to have a secret password to get the racoon to lift its tail so it can fart you in the direction of the Gardner-Webb campus. Nice stadium for a I-AA, tho.

 

True, true. But I'll take the points where I can get 'em, though.

 

Never posted on this before, but my most recent road swing brought with it a perilously hard lesson.

Do not, no matter the circumstances, dine in an eating establishment located inside a convenience store. No matter how hungry you may think you are, there is no need for this.

My paper is under the impression that it will be reimbursing me for a two-night hotel stay. It is not. It is reimbursing me for a toilet that just happened to be located next to a bed and a television. For all I know, Bill Cowher was arrested for molesting cats this weekend. I wouldn't know, because I never flipped on my hotel room TV. To do so would mean leaving the bathroom, which would have been unsound in my case.

I did, however, memorize the entire HBO movie guide, as well as healthy amounts of the Gideon Bible. And that shit makes no sense.

I would also like to kindly petition the NCAA for mandating some form of press box food offerings for those suffering digestive woes. In this case, beef tips in brown gravy does not a quiet colon make. I did not need any more help than I was already getting in that department, but I got it anyway.

On that note, I will also add that it is advisable that schools furnish plungers to go along with the press box toilets. As it is, these poor people may never recover from the wake of destruction that I so unfortunately left.

So please...don't ever eat dinner in a convenience store. There's nothing convenient about it.

 

Considering all you just shared, you don't care to share which restaurant (and where) you suffered your weekend calamity?

needles

 

I hate that you suffer so much, so often. But I love reading about it.

FYI: I think most of us, at least those of us that have lived past 30, already know that dinner in a convenience store is not a good idea. Except for Oxford, Miss., where you can get some chicken on a stick at the Chevron near the square.

 

So that's a "no" on ordering the beef tips with brown gravy at a convenience store? Thanks, Tron, sound advice, as always. :

Where do you stand on looking both ways before crossing the street?

 

No, Ace, the beef tips were the press box food.

I think he just got a sandwich in the convenience store.

 

No, no, a thousand times no.

You think I'm nuts?

 

Sorry, my bad. I'd about given up on you.

I always thought there were enough preservatives in convenience store sandwiches to render them impervious to bacteria.