Out-of-wedlock f*** trophies hit all-time high!

I knew that Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, would be a pioneer in the field....

 

Macduff was ripped from his mother's womb.

And a young Larry Drake Caesareaned himself from his dead mother in Dr. Giggles. That's a movie sight I could have done without.

 

According to that link.....it shouldn't be ruled out.

"It should be noted that Maimonides, the famous rabbi, philosopher, and doctor, says that it was known in ancient Rome how to perform a c-section without killing the mother, but that the medical knowledge of his day was lacking and it wasn't performed. Thus it would seem that, according to what Maimonides knew, c-sections weren't performed solely on dying women, but also on mothers who would live after the birth of their child."

It's a stretch, I admit......but I'm gonna stick to my theory.

Plus, I was born on the Ides of March and named after Caesar.

You're talking to "Orange" Julius Caesar Jones.

 

If you want to know what the difference is, stick your head in a rain barrel and yell, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"

That'll put you on the C-section express.

 

Let's see...record levels of out-of-wedlock births, which coincide with the fact that there are about 10 methods of birth control that are safe, inexpensive and accessible.

In sheer coincidence, I'm flipping around the tube this morning, and Maury comes on. Normally I despise him and his talk-show ilk, but there was a young lady flopping on the floor, weeping and wailing. So I stay tuned: she's upset because Maury has just revealed that the 10th guy (mind you, the 10th bleeping guy!!!!) has just been cleared of being the father of her 3-year-old by DNA testing. That means, at minimum, that this chick boffed at least 11 guys (dad still hasn't been found) within about a month of when this kid was conceived.

It's times like that when I'm convinced Maury and Jerry Spring are just hiring actors, and it's the 21st-century version of pro wrestling. There isn't a chick out there who bangs 11 guys within a few weeks, is there?

Is there?

 

Hondo, you are NOT the father.

 

Boots is the father. Oh, wait, wrong entry.

 

Just because a kid's born out of wedlock, doesn't mean it was planned or unwanted. Just saying.

Teenage births are way down. Most of the growth is in women in their 20s.

EDIT: Unwanted, dammit!

 

I'll add women in their 20s who don't find it necessary to get married in order to have a stable relationship and child.

 

Those teens are coming up short. They need to get f***ing!

 

Usually I don't feed the trolls, but Hondo, do you really think those shows are for real? You don't realize they're staged?

 

My wife recently had a C-section. (Dr. prescribed.) Another, more pertinent effect of the gut-cutting that has nothing to do with trying to keep a hot bod for the rest of your life, is the woman is all but incapacitated for a couple weeks, which is not so fun when they've just given birth to the joy of their life.
You never realize how much you use your stomach muscles, I guess, until they're rendered unavailable. No lifting, running, sneezing, coughing, laughing, squatting, walking stairs, driving ... hell, even going to the restroom is a challenge. (Especially No. 2. But you really didn't need to know that, did you? )

It also makes natural childbirth for any children to follow pretty unlikely. Too risky. Once you go knife, you never go back, apparently.