Overheard in the press box

One more of those threads and we'll have the entire collector's series!

 

I would like to take this opportunity, SoCalDude, to commend you on your restraint in responding there. Not sure what was funnier, your original story or the indignant-newbie reply.

Also, i'd like to second getting back to funny stories. Debate sidelines vs. box somewhere else. (Or, you know, don't.)

That said, I got nothin'.

 

From the coach of a good volleyball team with chemistry issues that needed until 15-13 in the fifth to put away an inferior outfit at home.

"Off the record, I think my whole team is on the rag."

 

Ah, volleyball. Wasn't a pressbox conversation, but I was puzzled when I attended a practice to do a game preview. The girls were stretching, etc., while I talked to the coach. That's when the player leading the exercises yells "FUPA!" and they all start doing some kind of ab-crunch thing.

"Fupa?" I ask the coach. He shuffles, looks away and changes the subject. Fine, I was only curious. Didn't follow up with it.

Afterward, talking to one of the seniors (and she was HOT, btw), I decide to ask again what the hell is "fupa." She doesn't even hesitate, looks me dead in the eye.

"For Upper Pussy Area."

Damned if I didn't blush bright red.

 

I have a volleyball team that had a stuffed animal mascot named "Poon" that accompanied them on all trips. It was about the size of a Beanie Baby. After one match, I said to the coach, "I don't want to know why they named that thing 'Poon', do I?" She quickly responded, "no, you don't," and quickly changed the subject.

I later found out how Poon got named. Let's just say, Howard's Rock had nothing on Poon.

 

After a local Catholic school girl wins a state class cross-country meeti.

Billy: "You looked pretty comfortable out there."

Girl: "I would have been more comofrtable if it had not been that time of the month."

After Ed Reed Jr. wins a feature race at the Waterford Speedbowl and explains his dad drove home between races for a new motor or something.

Billy: "So, Ed, what's your father's name?"

*crickets*

Office discussion with our senior staff member, who may have covered Jim Thorpe.

One guy: That Busch kid at East Lyme is pretty good.

Billy: I hear his dad was a heckuva an athlete.

Senior staff member: Neither of them holds a candle to his grandfather.

Speaking of the Speedbowl, we never, ever started on time.

The best line was the PR guy who would look at us and say, "OK, gentlemen, we are beginning to think about preparing to get ready to commence."

Years lady, as my younger daughter -- who spent some time in that press box -- was getting ready to graduate from high school, I leaned in and said, "Hey, honey, look. They are beginning to commence.

That's what I got for now.

 

On that Jr./Sr. thing: I got bit on the ass by that once, so I always make sure.

In the ass-biting case, Joe Blow Jr.'s dad was Charlie Blow. Grandpa was Joe Blow Sr.

Only case I've ever run into like that, but since I had to run a friggin' correction on it I always ask. "I know this is a stupid question, but your dad is Joe Blow Sr., right?"

 

We had a school from the fringe of our circulation area whose basketball coach would call in and routinely claim that four guys on his team got more than 20 rebounds. Maybe they were running the Paul Westhead-era Loyola Marymount offense and missing most of their shots.

High school soccer statkeepers will often give their goalkeepers a "save" every time the ball is in the vicinity, no matter who touched it last and with what intent.

 

We have a girls volleyball team that has no idea how to tally stats, especially things like assists. Had one girl with 93 assists in a four game match.

The team scored 96 points the entire match.

 

Maybe she's the best setter in the history of volleyball?

 

I know I mentioned it in the "Dear dimwit on the phone" thread, but we have one small school softball scorekeeper who gives stolen bases every time a runner advances on a wild pitch or passed ball. We know because our writer went to a game, saw runners moving up on obvious passed balls/wild pitches, then looked at their book. We haven't published their "stolen bases" since.

 

I covered women's basketball one semester in college. I'm on the phone with the SID and he's telling me one of the starters is out for that night's game. I ask why and he tells me to hang on, but doesn't cover up the mouthpiece on his phone well enough.

SID: She's got menstrual cramps, right?
SOMEONE IN THE BACKGROUND: Right.

SID, NOW BACK ON THE PHONE TO ME: She strained a muscle in her back.