Overheard in the press box

Was at the 1995 Alabama-Tennessee game at Legion Field in Birmingham. Tennessee hadn't beaten Alabama in about eight years, but Peyton Manning threw an 80-yard touchdown pass on the first play of the game and the rout was on (Tennessee ended up winning 41-14).

By the second half, Legion Field was deathly quiet, so much so that those of us in the press box could hear everything being said in the adjacent coaches booths. Every time Manning complete a pass, Alabama defensive coordinator Bill Oliver would scream obscenities: "God damn it, make the tackle! God damn it, get lined up right!", etc., etc.

As we headed down the elevator to the field late in the game, someone asked, "wow, did you guys hear Oliver?"

One writer replied, "yeah, I thought 'God damn it' was a coverage they were trying to get in."

 

Small college pressbox. Home team in midst of bad season. An eagle is spotted circling above the field.

First sportswriter: Look, an eagle. It must be an omen.

Second sportswriter: No, if it were an omen, it would be a buzzard.

 

Coach of a high school basketball team that had a miserable first half returns to the floor with a couple minutes left on the halftime clock. Players are obviously still in the locker room, talking among themselves. Coach comes to scorer's table and says: "The starters are back in to start the second half ... if any of them decides to come out and play."

High school football coach berating a defensive back who just got toasted for a long TD pass because he was in the wrong coverage: "You know we're in cover-2, what are you doing? Dammit [kid's name], you got money on this game or something?"

 

There's a radio guy who is really nice, well-meaning, but just physically unable to stop talking for more than 30 seconds in a row. Sit near him and you'll hear what amounts to stream of consciousness on every imaginable topic. One day I remember hearing him say...

"When you really think about it, animals are more attractive than people."

 

Cincinnati's Mike Mickens, who was later drafted by the Cowboys (I think he's playing Canadian ball now), was just getting toasted early in his freshman season. Fast and clearly talented, just inexperienced as hell. Anyway, sitting next to the beat reporters from both papers (Cincy was then a two-paper town). UC has just sacked the QB to force a very long third down attempt. I hear:

Reporter one (looking up from his laptop): "Uh, what down is it?"
Reporter two: "It's third-and-Mickens."

 

Sid notwithstanding, some guys' idea of "fun" is often an annoyance to everyone else. If people are trying to work or pay attention (again, Sid notwithstanding), maybe that's not the best time to cackle over the full repertoire of inside jokes.

 

But pissing Sid off is a good day

 

Back a decade or so ago, Will Clark tried to grow a mustache during the All-Star break.

First game after the break and The Thrill comes up to the plate and is shown on the monitor in the press box. The facial hair looked bad (almost a little Hitleresque).

A beat guy for Clark's team, who hadn't seen him in the clubhouse before the game, takes one look and says, loud enough for everyone in the press box to hear, "Nice mustache, a$$hole!"

 

So we won't reminisce about the day Sid, a number of years ago during a Vikings playoff game in a pressbox jammed with national media, slowly rose from his chair as a Minnesota cornerback ran an interception down the sideline to glory. Sid accompanied the lengthy return with a louder and louder, "Go baby! GO Baby! GO BABY!!!" Desecration can be a 2-way street.

 

At a high school game, standing behind me was a member of the school's weight lifting team. He'd just come back from a half-time smoke break in the parking lot. The PA announcer asked him how he could be an athlete and smoke. The kid replies "I have to lift the weights; I don't have to run with them."

 

In a similar vein, once heard a queen candidate introduced, after which we were informed that she was being escorted by her husband.

 

Greatest. Thread. Ever.