Overheard in the press box

Speaking of awful players I covered a game the other night where Away team absolutely smoked Home team -- with the glaring exception of a kicking game.
Home team must have been pissed that Away team kept kicking onsides, except that they didn't have a kid who who could kick it off. :

 

I want a Podunk County HS hat.

 

Many years ago, minor-league baseball press box in an Alberta town: three roommates were in their early 20s and all newbie sportswriters with the two papers in town. Being socially inept, their off-days were spent watching the local rookie-league team with some buddies in the press box. On this day, the team owner's promotion was Newfoundland Day because a large number of Newfies came to the town for work in the oil boom. There were a number of program draws, including several for 10 pounds of live lobster.
As a press-box regular, one of the three writers knew the drill for the draws. The numbers were picked early in the game by a team employee, who gave a list of them to the PA guy, who sat beside the writers in the tiny press box. On his way into the park, one of the writers bought a program. The guys in the press box all asked why, since all the info they needed was there, and the guy said said I love lobster and today I feel lucky.
When the PA guy took a washroom break, the writer leaned over when no one was looking, scratched out the last number on his list of lobster winners and wrote in his program number. In the seventh inning, the last lobster draw number was announced and the "lucky" writer stood up and revealed his good fortune. He was congratulated by all, including his roomies, who were not let in on the gag until after the game. Several days later, a fine feast was had by the three writers. Eventually, word got around to the team's official scorer, who happened to be the assistant sports editor of one paper and the boss of two of the writers. But instead of giving them shit, he said he would squeal unless he got some lobster. By then, however, the ill-gotten gains were long digested and he grumpily kept quiet.

 

It was in the bleachers, sorry to say. High school game not long back.

Mascots get in a fight. High school kids. One's the punch line, the other's a blow-up Hawk or something.

They fight. It was stupid. How do you fight a kid inside a balloon?

Old Guy: We got a monkey fuckin a football.
His middle-aged son, dead serious: That's a gorilla dad.

 

Sitting in a college football pressbox of a home team that was pretty awful. On the Jumbotron they show a group of kids from the local Dream Factory with a spiel about how the kids were given free tickets to the game.

A grizzled beat guys leans over and says to yours truly: "Haven't they suffered enough already?"

 

At the Colorado State vs. BYU football game in 2008 after the Rams forced a scoop-and-score a man shouted "Wooo!"

Press box announcer: "Colorado State University and the Football Writers Association of America would like to remind everyone that this is a working press box and cheering for either team is not allowed."

One minute later ...

Press box announcer: "I take that back. If you're the Athletic Director, you can do what you want."

 

And just two weeks ago in Oxford, Ohio at the Colorado State vs. Miami University game (Ref came on the mic and cracked everyone up):

"False start. Everyone but the center."

 

This past Friday night while covering podunk high, who happens to be in the midst of a 23-year streak of not making the playoffs, is losing 35-0 in the second quarter. The coach is trying his best to keep his team motivated in any way possible. A long pass is completed against Podunk High and the refs miss an obvious holding call that Ray Charles could have seen. Coach calls timeout and goes straight to the ref. Words are exchanged and finally coach walks but not before saying one last word to the ref.
Flag is thrown and ref turns on his mic:

Ref: Unsportsmanlike conduct, white. Fifteen yard penalty. (At this point the ref should have turned off his mic but that's where it went all wrong.)

Ref then walks toward the sideline and points at the coach and proceeds to say:

"That was your penalty. When your team gets better then you can complain."

I thought the crowd was going to riot. It might have been the greatest and saddest thing I have ever witnessed.

 

Maybe this is just my high school association, but I've never seen high school referees with microphones. Just a random observation.

 

A few of the schools in my area have them, and they are usually atrocious. I'm waiting for a ref to get electrocuted in a rain storm.

 

Ours does, but the two high schools also play in a new stadium with luxury suites and games on the local cable system.