People in my office suck

That is awesome. At my last gig, this one huge woman took pride in having tried every single thing in the vending machine, and being able to tell you about every kind of candy bar that she'd ever had.

I'll never forgot how excited she was the first time she saw that new Butterfinger thing. (Butterfinger crisp, maybe .... something like that) It was like the best day of her life.

 

My wife works with a woman who is much like the chick FH describes. I've seen the shit this chick eats for lunch. Two chicken sandwiches, two orders of onion rings, dessert and a big ass Coke.

It's amazing.

 

You can fit alot of shit in a plastic bag.

 

One editor not only was morbidly obese, but she seemed to defend the philosophy as if it were a religion. Any restaurant closure in the town was like a personal affront. Once there was a wire story about obesity serving as protection from a broken hip after a fall. You guessed it -- A1, no questions asked.

There is now a monument to this fucktard who eventually ate herself to death.

 

One of my former co-workers on this site hopefully can vouch for me, but I think she broke at least one chair in the office.

She'd lean back in that poor chair just tempting gravity. Contemplating how she'd construct the lead into her staff report (i.e. not bylined article).

 

Was she a "I'll have the triple Whooper, extra fries and umm.... umm.... diet coke, please?"

I LOVE those people.

 

Can't you put on your faux-concerned voice and ask him what's wrong, how long he's had the cough, if he's ill, etc. and suggest he get some Robitussin or some fucking thing. Then bring some in.

 

Pilot, sounds like the dude spends a lot of his (getting) off hours wrapped deep inside a bong. Frequent and repeated bong usage can definitely cause one of those deep, in the chest cavity, coughs. Or so i have heard.

 

No diet Coke. Just all-out fat and lots of it.

 

You sure it wasn't Diet Coke? Dammit, maybe I should have read the whole thing first.

 

I'm afraid I don't have "faux-concerned." I'm just going to bottle it up, then unload on him in about a week if he's still teetering near the grave. Really, my boss has tried though. She bought him cough drops twice, then left them on his desk and keeps asking him about it, but I don't think she's allowed to actually say "Take care of this medical problem" ... or at least she doesn't think she's allowed to. Maybe one of us doesn't understand the situation fully, but that's the impression I got. But as for telling him any more directly or buying him anything else, I'm just not sure the message could be sent any more directly than it already has.

I really don't hate working with the guy. I mean, some of the crap he writes and pictures he takes and uses I'll treasure forever (for how terrible they are). Listening to him do an interview is priceless. I'm picking up quality tales that will last me a lifetime every day I'm around him, but Lord, the cough has to go or someone's going to get hurt.

 

Think the soap scene from Full Metal Jacket. He'll get the idea.