Pickup lines that never, ever work

"Hey baby, what's your sign?"

"Stop."

 

I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Cuz you're not. You could totally drink whole milk.

 

"Hey baby. Pick me, former Vice President Dan Quayle."

 

I've started a summer-stint as a bartender (or more accurately, beer wench) and I'm amazed at how clueless guys are.

I have a 48-ounce water bottle that I drink from while I'm working. A guy comes up to me and says, "My, what a big bottle you have." WTF does that mean?

Last week, a guy came up to me and said, "If you weren't married, I'd pick you up on a white horse and carry you away." :

I'm also surprised that how many people comment on my smile, women included. One of the band members made an announcement to be sure to tip me, because I'm built to smile. If a creepy guy says somethig to me, I tell him I just squint a lot.

 

You have the most beautiful eye I've ever seen. [/boots]

 

I always thought it was, "Do Not Enter."

 

Back when I was a single dude, we used to do all kinds of crazy shit. But the one thing that sticks out is I had one friend who would sometimes pretend he was gay in order to pick up girls. That worked more times than I can believe. I think some girls saw it as a challenge. He was a pretty good looking dude anyway, probably didn't need a phony rap like that, but his rationale was this way, he wouldn't have to worry about seeing them again.
Of course, after a while, half the city thought he was gay so he eventually decided to move halfway across the country, but that's neither here nor there. Bottom line is he got laid a lot.

 

It worked with the ladies, sure. But what about with the guys?

 

"Deuce: D-E-U-C-E."[/moddy]

 

I've got three:
Is your mother home?
I'll respect you in the morning.
Wrong hole!

 

What the deuce?

 

Excuse me, but would you like to see me lick my eyebrows?