Question: Is Fergie's "London Bridge" the worst popular song ever?

I can now definitively answer the question, would you rather be deaf or blind. Deaf, obviously, because at least I wouldn't have to listen to unmitigated crap like this.

The saddest part is that we have to ask the question "Is London Bridge the worst popular song ever?" Because this song should not be popular. I mean, I was 16 once. I never, ever would have thought this was anything but inexcusable crap. Why is this song popular? Why does anyone like this? What can possibly be seen as the redeeming feature of this song? What, you can dance to it? You can dance to a lot of songs that suck a lot less.

Agh.

And dog428, you're dead to me, chumpy. Dead like Lincoln.

 

Mr. Slave,

I apologize if my posting in some way tarnished your image of Ms. Steffani. However, no No. 1 hit should ever -- EVER -- include a line such as, "The shit is bananas, the shit is bananas -- B-A-N-A-N-A-S." In fact, no song written by a person older than 12 should include such a line.

Again, my apologies. But I speak the truth.

dog

 

At least Gwen Stefani has a history of writing smart(er) songs, many of them very strong ones about female empowerment (which "Hollaback Girl," if you stretch it, sort of tries to be too, in a high-schooler kind of way.)

And she has honed her chops in a now-19-year career as the lead singer of No Doubt, which has run the gamut musically from ska-based punk to reggae-based funk to techno-based pop, never being afraid to tinker with and develop their sound regardless of sales.

So she has to get credit for that. You can't compare Stefani to these chumps, no matter how shitty her last solo album was. She's done her thing since 1987. She's earned the right -- musically -- to make songs aimed at 15-year-old girls, and make a little money out of it now.

 

I'm not. Just pointing out the song was quite possibly the worst No. 1 song ever.

She can do whatever she likes. But simply because she's done better in the past doesn't mean her song is any less shitty.

 

I also thought this. Who's Fergie?

 

I just listened/watched the video link somebody provided. That's a bad song, don't get me wrong, but is it any worse than some of the other crap that's out today? There are a lot of songs, although at the moment I can't think of any, that the moment they come on the radio, I instinctively change the station like a frightened Catholic on a free-Cinemax weekend night. I mean, it sounds like any other song. Kinda reminded me of that song "Promiscuous Girl" by Timbaland and the one chick who's name I don't know. L.B. is worse, but they're similar.

I don't see what all the fuss is about.

 

"London Bridge" is spending its second week on top of the Billboard Hot 100. It's only been on the chart for four weeks, going 84-5-1-1.

Meanwhile, a tragedy continues to unfold one spot below, where a truly great song -- "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley -- has been stuck at No. 2 for six weeks in a row.

This has to be the most shameful episode in Billboard's history since December 1963-January 1964, when "Louie Louie" was kept out of No. 1 by The Singing Nun's "Dominique" and "There, I've Said It Again" by Bobby Vinton.

 

If none of you will, I may as well...

I'd hit it.

 

Crazy
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Sexyback
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Hollaback Girl
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Stars are Blind
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My Humps
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London Bridge

- That next Justin Timberlake single is the shit, though.
- BEP was good, but yeah, never up there with The Roots. J5 is the right comparison.
- BEP are the most irritating group ever.

 

Wha' cha' gonna do wit all that gunt....
All that gunt hangin' out cho' front?

 

If we're going to list the worst No. 1 songs ever, Hollaback Girl isn't even in the top 15. At least it had a decent, Neptunes-inspired beat; some horns backed by your standard bass thump, repeated in a rhythmic pattern. London Bridge sounds like Rick Rubin someone passed out drunk and threw up on the electrical board during the mixing/recording/abortion part of the production. The lyrics to Hollaback are absolutely embarassing, yes. We'll agree on that. But they are not as embarassing as "London Bridge." In Hollaback, I guess Gwen is some kind of high school cheerleader chick who is handing out beat downs because she's been slandered on the playground, which is a pathetic attempt at role playing by a 35-year-old woman, sure, and in case you don't get it, this type of behavior is bananas, man. But in London Bridge, we basically have a 30-something whore warbeling about how her panties drop every time she downs a bottle of Grey Goose and sees and English dude, and fuck the paparazzi for having the nerve to be all up in her shit. Also, back the hell up when you see her in the club, or Fergie will whip out her mace, wet her pants, and maybe fuck you.

Also, SexyBack is a fucking terrible song. Did Justin Timberlake get burned in a terrible volcano accident and need to be fitted with a voice box and electronic vocal chords, ala Darth Vadar? Because dear god that song is shit.

 

And not necessarily in that particular order.

Agreed that it's not original, but nowhere is it written that a great song cannot be derivative.

And it is a great song, IMO, whether you're comparing it to its competition in the record stores and on the radio or letting it stand on its own as a catchy throwback track.