Random Thoughts, the Sequel

You say this like it's a bad thing.

Paging Boots...white courtesy phone...

 

It happens, asswipe.

 

Yeah, it sure was a shame that I forced the discussion on Kobe, wasn't it? I mean, it has become glaringly apparent no one had any latent interest in talking about him.

 

Better a toesucker than a pigfucker like you.

 

A few months ago I got a recommendation for a hair stylist in my new town. One of those places where you spend a lot of money for a cut, but I figured it would be worth it.

I was wrong. Some flaming gay boy gave me a "hip" haircut that was asymmetrical. I won't tell you what I spent on it. I was too pissed off to go back and demand a fix, because I didn't want anyone else there to put scissors to my hair.

So I wore it in a ponytail for the next four months, and then I found Mark.

Mark is a Harley-riding, guitar-playing, Hawaiian shirt-wearing hairstylist. He works at a salon usually reserved for little old ladies, but damn, he understands my hair.

He knows that I won't blow dry it, curl it, put a ton of crap in it. He knows it needs to be long enough to get into a ponytail. He knows just where to put the layers.

And the whole time he's doing my hair, we talk sports. Mark is the best hair stylist a girl could ask for.

 

Have you seen the Kobe is better than MJ thread?

Dickmuncher.

 

I love girls in ponytails. Pigtails, too. But I'm not a pigfucker!

 

Goats, pigs, it's all the same to rubes like you and write-brained.

 

Ellis, you're so angry lately. I'm on your side.

 

My best friend introduced me to a salon in my hometown when we were in high school that is normally only little old ladies, except my friend and me. I go in everytime I'm home either to get my hair done/eyebrows shaped or just to say hi. My eyebrows needs shaped terribly, but I really am trying to hold out to go there. They know how to do it so it doesn't hurt, and I can tell them a length for my hair and then to do what they want and it always comes out good.

 

Shouldn't call your mom a pig. And, while we're at it, you should address me as dad.

 

The first night I started college I went to one of those cheesy freshman social events. I met a girl there with a newly coiffed asymmetrical haircut. One of those 'I'm going to fuck 3 guys in the first week, I'm out of daddy's grip now' girls.

To top it off, she lived in the 'artsy' dorm which had co-ed bathrooms complete with random post-midnight moaning sessions.

I'll never forget that girl. Thank you, repressive daddy of said girl.