Random Thoughts the Third

Raising Cane's.

One of the few things I miss as my diet gets better.

 

The only reason I'm ever amped to go to Walmart is in hopes I'll see a person picture-worthy for peopleofwalmart.com.

 

You ever go to a Midwestern city's Walmart at 1 a.m.? The smell of Marlboro Reds and USA Golds and Pall Malls burned to the filters wafts off the clientele, even the kids. The entire store's been ransacked, and whatever merchandise is left has dents and holes and broken pieces from the day's rush. There's a quiet desperation to a Midwestern city's Walmart at 1 a.m. There's a loneliness hanging over the store, like you're the only sane person left.

By 6 a.m., everything is new again.

 

Why am I reading SportsJournalists.com when I should be writing my daily?

 

When you see a picture of Jay Marriotti - in your mind do you hear a sad trombone or Liza Minelli singing New York New York?

 

To sum up the SportsJournalists.com night shift: Tom Petty, a few occasional interlopers, a spambot army and me.

 

There is no way the people shopping at a Walmart at 1 a.m. can afford real smokes.

 

I'm pretty sure Pall Malls and USA Golds are made from the stolen hair of Indonesian babies, not tobacco.

 

Well, there was that one bad stretch after I came back from band camp. But two shots from the doc and good behavior for four weeks made the "unpleasant" stuff go away.

 

I just got an email from a freshman in high school saying he wanted to get into sports journalism as a career, and asked for any advice I had. Sigh. Where to start.

– What the fuck are you thinking?
– You might as well drop out of high school now and join the circus
– You'd be better off flipping burgers at Mickey D's
– You'd be better off homeless
– Are you hinting that you're gunning for my job?

 

A quick to piss off my wife professionally: Take the medical advice of Jenny McCarthy and Suzanne Somers over my wife, who actually studied medicine.

 

Just ate some Teddy Grahams. Felt like a kid again.