Random Thoughts the Third

Chess player 1: Chess is the ultimate test of the human mind, isn't it?
Chess player 2: You think so? I always thought it was women.

From Columbo episode, "Most Dangerous Match"

 

Trendy Man:
Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.

Thornton Melon:
You too, huh? She's shown it to everybody.

Trendy Man:
Well, she's very proud of it.

Thornton Melon:
I'm proud of mine too. I don't go waving it around at parties, though.

 

This guy on Fox News might have the worst haircut in history. It's high and tight but with a horrible silver coloring and the cut reveals his Dumbo ears. His hair looks like a bird's nest sitting on his head.

 

Wife: It's interesting seeing all the people.
Me: I hate people. And monkeys.

 

Awwwww, c'mon, Fox News. Pawwwwwwwlllllllllllllll has BETTER ears than Dumbo. And no cheap fuckin' haircut, either!

 

"Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success."
--Jim Backus

 

I will 10,000X go on the record as that being totally wrong.
I traded up a gajillion times better with number 2. I have what I have because of her.

 

“We don’t want to have a pumpkinbread situation,” my wife staring at me on vacation as I begin my fourth drink, in reference to the time I drunkenly ate two entire loaves of pumpkinbread her mom baked us and brought back to the hotel room after a wedding reception and my wife came back from the reception separately from me and found me passed out in a bed full of pumpkinbread crumbs.

 

I had a law prof who ways said “the med student’s girlfriend is never the doctor’s wife”, which sounds great but doesn’t hold up to scrutiny in my experience. Also, the med student’s girlfriend is often - wait for it - a med student.

 

I have been known to get drunk. I will eat the heck out of a pumpkin roll.
The two things aren't connected.

 

So you’re the one keeping Stucky’s open!

 

Ain't nothing wrong with a pecan roll