Random Thoughts the Third

Wait..you can get head with masterbation? Bravo to you! I almost broke my neck trying that!

 

Masturbation.

 

Because you can't masturbate with U.

 

No wonder my xhamster searches yield nothing!

 

You can't masturbate without M-E, and I can't masturbate without U.

Funny how that works.

 

Outing alert: Spike is NOT Ron Jeremy.

 

It's like Japanese porn down there...hairy, lots of high-pitched moans...and pixelated.

 

I'd like a reasonable explanation as to why "read" is spelled but not pronounced the same in present and past tenses.

 

Went to a wedding at Disney World this past weekend. Some random thoughts from that. . . .

The resort we stayed at was Pop Century which features iconic images of various decades. It is the epitome of corny.

We spent Friday bar hopping in downtown Orlando. Everyone looked at us like we were nuts when we mentioned leaving the Disney property. I guess most people who go to Disney World don't want to see any of Orlando.

The highlight of the trip for my friends was when I took them to the Tilted Kilt. There need to be more of those.

On Spaceship Earth at Epcot there is a scene of a man reading a newspaper with a Civil War headline. He is holding it upside-down.

Also at Epcot, we wanted to do the drink around the world thing, but evidently it is insanely expensive so we just hit up a few countries. Morocco has surprisingly good beer. Canada meanwhile did not have Molson XXX, but they did have Moosehead. I would have preferred the XXX

Behind the check-in desk at Pop Century is a photo from the 50s or 60s of several football players on a bench. It appears to be Penn State. 'Cuz nothing says fun for the kids like Penn State football.

Mickey, Minnie and Goofy dropped by the reception for photos. When not posing, they would interact with some of the kids that were there, but they also interact with each other and it seems they have some sort of sign language worked out.

Highlight of the wedding itself: during the garter toss the groom threw it a little too high and got it stuck on the chandelier.

 

I'm thinking about creating a colored thong system ... not unlike the colored belt system used in martial arts.

You "earn" the colored thong when you perform the sexual act associated with the color.

For example, you earn your beige thong when you allow your anus to be mildly stimulated, but not the primary focus of, a sexual act. You get the chocolate thong when you toss someone's salad/let someone toss your salad. You get the burnt umber thong when you have been anally penetrated. You get the taupe thong if a fist or inanimate object with a circumference greater than that of an above-average penis is proven to have been used.

I haven't decided which color goes with what sexual act. So many questions. Might need to hire a focus group.

To wit, should I use the pink color family for monogamous love or lesbian sex? Using pink for lesbian sex is dirtier and more risque and it could drive sales in the Bad Girl/Tease Your Significant Other To Make Him Think You Eat Pussy Even Though You Don't market.

On the other hand, a monogamous love association might sell better with more inhibited, I Want To Be Slutty For A While, But I'm Not Really A Slut demographic and the always-popular I'm Going To Get Drunk Off My Ass And Do The Act Associated With My Thong But Get So Plowed I'll Never Remember It, And Thus, Use The Thong As A Tangible Symbol Of My Guilt crowd.

Quandary!

There's the small details. I need to learn how to make and design thongs, because I have no earthly idea how to make garments of any sort, but presuming I get past that minor road block, the colored thong system works on so many levels.

If you dated a girl, and she wore a colored thong, so many things would race through your head.

Does she do that? Did she do that? Does she want me to do that?

It's fucking genius. I'm going to be the David Carradine of the Colored Thong System. Spreading the good word, walking the Earth like a Taupe-thonged Caine.

(Or did Caine do that?)

I'm gonna be rich!

(Post copyrighted so none of you assholes steals my idea.)

 

Sometimes, when I'm urinating, I put my hands on my hips and take pride that my penis is big enough that it's pointing down without directional support.