Random Thoughts the Third

buddy of mine took me to a strip club this evening. One of the dancers gets on stage and the DJ starts playing "Adam's Song" by Blink 182. If you don't recall it/never heard it, here's the first verse.

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

Yep, song about suicide. And to top it off, the dancer looked really depressed while it was playing. It was either the most inappropriate strip club musical selections ever or a brilliant piece of performance art on the part of the dancer.

 

Another apple rolled off the kitchen counter today. I'm not speaking metaphorically.

I need to buy a basket. A basket for my fruits. I need to buy a fruit basket.

This is bugging me out. I just drove an hour and all I could think about was this process that lies ahead. How does a man buy a fruit basket while remaining a man?

First, where does one buy a fruit basket? Should I go to Pier 1? I fucking hate Pier 1. That place is full of kitschy bullshit like cows that hold milk for coffee. You know what holds my milk? A cardboard carton. Sometimes a plastic jug.

So I'm at Pier 1 buying my fruit basket. Now what? Is there a masculine fruit basket available? Is that a choice? Is there a fruit basket for bachelors who scratch their balls and spit? Do I go for the cheapest basket, or is that an obvious ploy to make it look like I haven't been obsessing over this decision for days?

When I get to the checkout line, is there any way to avoid being judged? Do I say I'm getting it for my mother? Do I want the stylish one, to appear hip, or do I want the most plain one possible, one that's huge and holds many fruits, so that I appear as though I need this entirely for function?

And is there any point flirting with the attractive Pier 1 cashier, or is all game null and void because I'm buying a fruit basket?

Fuck it. Maybe I'll just give up fruit.

 

Put your fruit in a damn bowl.

 

TWSS

 

I keep my apples in the fridge. Not a big fan of room-temperature apples.

 

A single man's "fruit basket"<img src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o_4HiZYT1ds/Sf5fJCmz3AI/AAAAAAAAACU/c71SR_MWEk4/s320/Cardboardbox.jpg">

Luckily, I'm married...so we have a cute red one with a white stripe. Teehee

 

Now, if I am following the Creosote guide to Pier 1 game-spitting, at what point do I propose?

 

It might be inappropriate to put a ring on it.

 

Agreed on this.

 

Agreed on this.

 

Buy a fruit basket/bowl at HomeGoods or Marshalls or TJ Maxx. Pier 1 smells weird and there are too many wicker elephants.

 

Any real man knows you buy a bait bucket or an ammo box and "repurpose" it.

Next manliness question...