Really bad names

Dixie Hack

 

Former Charlotte women's hoops player Ivana Mandic - unfortunately, can't find her profile online. But that search led me to this:

http://www.shupirates.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=52797&SPID=5501&DB_OEM_ID=12600&ATCLID=655014&Q_SEASON=2006

 

Was hanging out with some friends after the wife becamse pregnant, and my wife (well, girlfriend at that point) was talking to the father about names. He was talking about Portugese names (he runs a restaurant and employs a lot of Brazilians) and my wife said, "You know what Portugese name I've always thought was beautiful? Aurelia." He says, "What, like the part around a girl's nipple?"

Later in the conversation, he joked that if the baby was a girl, he was going to drown it in the bathtub. It was, and oddly enough, he hasn't. (They went with Sophie as her name.)

 

Hugh Munn was the lead investigator in the Sarah Smith case many years ago.

I know a guy who played minor league baseball against a guy named Dick Whistle.

 

We ran local kids' birthdays in our old paper, and there was a girl whose name was pronounced "Cheyenne." Not so bad, but it was spelled "Shy-Anne."

 

DeCody Fagg
Craphonso Thorpe

Non-FSU division: Dick Such, Dick Pole, Rusty Kuntz, Dicky Nutt, Dick Nutter, Dick Pound, Jim Bob Cooter

 

Ha, I forgot about Craphonso ... that one cracked me up.

 

Rusty Kuntz anyone?

Misty Himen is another classic.

 

Former Providence star God Shamgod.

Kid on a local football team is Harrison Johnson. Hadn't heard of him until he made a big play and one of the team stat guys says "Harry Johnson" and laughs.

My aunt is a teacher and a coworker had a student named Shithead. Apparently it was pronounced She-thayed. The teacher made a point of figuring out how to pronounce it before the first day of school. "When I call you name, say 'here'. Shithead...."

 

Don't forget Misty's brother, Buster Hymen.

 

I know a guy who's last name is Wiener. His mom's maiden name is Balls.

 

At least we know what the kid'll get on his or her 18th birthday: A new name and a hand gun.