Save Screech's House

Actually, this is kind of sad: http://www.marksfriggin.com/news06/6-12.htm#tue

Meanwhile, on a lighter note:

 

She'd probably say. "There's no time! No time! No time! No time to save Screech's house."

 

Screech said to my girlfriend, who was in the audience for one of his comedy shows.."Hey, you're pretty hot. Give me five minutes in the back and I'll show you why they call me Screech."

To this day, I have no idea what that means...

 

I don't know what's worse, having to do this to keep your house or having a male version of the view with Dick Clark and Danny Bonaduce like Mario Lopez did...

 

Mizzou, that show was a riot. Bonaduce is the gold standard of D list. I still remember him ending up in the sack with a seal in HOTS.

 

I saw it once or twice... It made the Tony Danza show look like Carson in his prime...

 

"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so ... scared ..."

 

Inside The Actor's Studio

James Lipton.....Will Ferrell
Dustin Diamond.....Tobey Maguire


James Lipton: In going through the list of great characters... few come to mind. Blanche Dubois, from "Streetcar Named Desire".. Willy Loman, from "Death of a Salesman".. and, of course.. Screech, from "Saved By The Bell". That actor is with us today. Please join me in welcoming.. Mr. Dustin Diamond.

[ Dustin Diamond enters the set, grimacing like a buffoon ]

James Lipton: The character.. the character of Screech. Where did he come from?

Dustin Diamond: A place inside me! There's a Screech inside all of us, but.. mostly, it's a funny voice!

James Lipton: In 1992.. a made-for-television film came out that changed the face of American cinema. That film, of course, is "Saved By The Bell: Hawaiian Style". If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and see the greatest film EVER! In the history.. of the world. In that piece.. you were kidnapped by the Pupuku clan. How did you prepare for that?

Dustin Diamond: Well, I'd like to say that I studied a lot for that part - you know, reading stuff on Hawaii - but.. we just had fun. I do this thing in my head, I.. pretend to put on a funny hat.. and then I just get crazy!! [ laughs like a moron ]

James Lipton: In that picture.. Kelly's grandfather invites the entire gang to Hawaii for summer holiday.

Dustin Diamond: Yes! The thing about that-

James Lipton: [ interrupting ] They expect a marvelous time at the beach, sans Mr. Belding. They arrive.. and discover Mr. Bedling is there as well, don't they?

Dustin Diamond: Yes! Yes, he is! [ cracking up ] They didn't think he was gonna be there, but he is! That's the ,b>twist part! [ laughs ]

James Lipton: You.. are a delight! [ breaks into a boisterous guffaw ]

Dustin Diamond: Thank you! [ with nothing else to do, joins Liptin in his boistorous guffaw ]

James Lipton: [ finally ] In 1993, Dustin leaves the "DSaved By The Bell" series, to stretch his acting chops, if you will.. and, in 1994, he found a role that suited him. That of an administrative assistant to a high school principal.. in "Saved By The Bell: The New Class". If you want to see an actor practice his craft at the highest level.. you need look no further than "Saved By The Bell: The New Class" - it's marvelous!

Dustin Diamond: When I thought.. that I was fone with the role of Screech, I swore I would never do it again - then.. I read the script. I wept openly on the flight to Philadelphia! You don't come across writing like that every day!

James Lipton: Indeed, you don't. Of course, we will conclude our.. evening.. with a questionnaire.. invented by the great Bernard Pivot.

Dustin Diamond: Oh, boy! Ha ha ha!

James Lipton: What is your favorite word?

Dustin Diamond: Oh, uh.. [ thinking ] Pancake!

James Lipton: What turns you off?

Dustin Diamond: When.. someone throws garbage or feces at you?

James Lipton: What sound, or noise, do you love?

Dustin Diamond: To be honest.. applause.

[ the audience erupts into forced applause, much to Dustin's bemused delight ]

James Lipton: I think we all like that. What is your favorite curse word?

Dustin Diamond: Hmm.. "frosted nuts"! [ giggles coquettishly ]

James Lipton: [ laughs uproariously with Dustin ] Nicely done! And, finally.. if Heaven exists.. what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?

Dustin Diamond: "Up here.. you'd be playing the role of Zack!"

James Lipton: [ clapping ] Dustin Diamond.. on behalf of The Actor's Studio, and the student before, I thank you.

Dustin Diamond: Thank you!

[ fade ]

 

At the same show Hoops was at, Screech spent a good 2-3 minutes talking about how much Zack liked the cock. Good stuff.

 

It all makes sense, now. Lisa Turtle stayed away from Screech because she feared her uterus would get punctured at the green age of 16.

Every girl has that fear.

 

By the way, Kelly was the hottst by a nose. But I'd pound all of them like Screech did the virgin.