Seattle ROTC kid blows his leg apart at football game.

Ho. Lee. Fuck. I checked the wiki entry and I cannot remember the last time I laughed so frigging hard. I have to post these other excerpts, because they're not likely to last but deserve to be seen by as many people as possible.

Under the "History" category:

The school was boarded up and subsequently bulldozed in late 2006 following an injury during a cannon firing at a football game. A young man was injured during the incident, and townspeople responded by threatening additional physical harm to the student for threatening beloved school traditions. The community issued a statement, "If the proud Snow-Homo community cannot uphold and practice our coveted traditions, then there will be NO TRADITIONS. This includes our school, which will we would rather have bulldozed before some fancy-pants State Politician comes into our close-knit community and tells us to close down our school. We hope that you're all happy now."

Former members of the school's football program are encouraged to apply to the position of "Cannon Loader Guy" at Oak Harbor. Being the only decent football team in the area, applicants are assured of the opportunity to actually discharge the thing.

"General Information":

In interests of equal opportunity, livestock, including sheep, goats, cows, and bulls are allowed to run freely through the hallways. It has been reported that the smell can be quite pungent and intolerable during warmer periods.

"Associated Student Body":

The ASB consists of:

Members who have paid a small fee.
An executive branch consisting of a President, Vice President, Treasurer, and Secretary.
A judicial branch consisting of two representatives per class.
A legislative branch consisting of elected senators (9 per class.)
A Secretary of Defense under the executive branch. He's the guy they let aim the cannon. It has been reported that he's a little walleyed, and is related to his wife by more than marriage...

"Statistics":

Ethnic
White: 90.6%
Sheep or Goat/Human hybrid: 6%
Asian or Pacific Islander: 0.9%
Hispanic: 0.9%
African-American: 0.8%
American Indian: 0.6%
Mouthbreathers: 78%
Knuckle-draggers: 98%

"Sports and Athletics":

The future of the Snohomish's success has been in question by many critics of the new high school. They say that the tradition of a united city gives Snohomish a powerful and successful athletics program, and they question whether this can continue if the students are divided. It should be noted however, that these are largely speculation based, and it remains to be seen how large, if any, the effect of stopping the inbreeding program will be.

State Championships Won
1960 Boys Cross Country
1965 Boys Cross Country
1969 Crossdressers Cross Country
1970 Boys Basketball
1976 Football
...
1988 Girls Track
1989 Boys Autoerotic Asphyxiation
1995 Girls Cross Country
1996 Girls Cross Country
...
2003 Girls Cross Country
2006 Boys Soccer
2006 Boys Swimming
2006 Cannon Hunting regionals

"Clubs and Activities":

Goat Wooing Club - Practices and competes with communities around the country in the art and science of traditional goat wooing. The categories include: Technology, Music, Tradition, Surprise, and Demeanor.
Future Problem Solvers Club - Club has been disbanded for failure to solve any problems
Clubbing Club - Inexplicably, a number of Snohomopotamians are vigorous supporters of the practice of culling seals, often spending lavish amounts of money to import and subsequently club baby harp seals in bizarre, drawn-out rituals
Future Bukkake Stars of Tomorrow - We aim to bring a smile to your face. Meets every Friday morning for chin omelettes.

I swear, tears are running down my cheeks and I am trying desperately not to wake up my kids with my laughter. Without a doubt the funniest thing I have seen in 2006. ;D ;D ;D

 

Because, although I fully suspect you didn't read anything more than what's here, the mother could have an agenda. And you do not KNOW how the kid's been treated since his accident; it's just what you've gotten from the reporter ... through the mother.

See, the refusal to acknowledge nuance doesn't work here like it does in all the political-wacko threads.

 

There's a monumental difference between "nuance" and what you're suggesting here. And, yes, I choose to believe the kid's mother and the reporter over some anonymous yahoo.

 

Shotglass,
What are you saying?
That the community isn't treating this kid as badly as the article said it was or that something this kid or the kid's mom did made him fair game for the kind of bad treatment the article said he's receiving?

 

I'm saying that some of the reader comments that follow the original story indicate that this mother is in some kind of pissing match with her ex, who wanted the boy to go into ROTC training when she didn't.

And all the reportage of this has come through the mother's filter.

For a collection of journalists who question almost everything under the sun, I'm a little surprised the "facts" of this aren't being greeted with at least a little skepticism.

That's all. It was a sad accident. Anything more which I did or didn't say ... that is all I meant. I'm not going to play the ugly American on this one.

 

Mayor and superintendent: "Hey, we're not all bad!"

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/296972_snohomish26.html

 

The mayor and the superintendent only know what they read in the newspaper.

 

As do you. : : :

 

OK, then, what would be the mother's "agenda" for commenting that her son took heat over this? How does that improve her position vis a vis the kid's father, or vis a vis ROTC?

 

UPDATED: Seattle ROTC kid blows his leg apart at football game.

An update:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/299622_cannon13.html
Summary:
A woman has been accused of making threats against the family.

 

The mother's agenda has warped her mind.

 

No matter how you spin this, it's clear that there are some backwards assholes in the town that do not deserve to be on my planet.

I think I'll send the kid a couple bucks.

When it comes down to it -- and I know we all make our living on sports -- but football is just a game. It stirs up a ton of emotions, and it's just a game.