Seduce a lesbian for your chance at her dad's $64 million bounty

Slightly related story to the post, if only because of what I quoted.

Asked a girl out in high school as a sophomore. Apparently me asking her pushed her to come out of the closet. Yes, I was the tipping point.

My senior year, I took out this one girl. Foreign exchange student from Germany who was gorgeous. Well, wouldn't you know, after I paid for the meal she dropped the bombshell that she was not only hitting lefty, but hitting lefty with the girl who had stiff-armed me my sophomore year.

WafFail

 

Many of the girls I was attracted to, but too shy to go for, in high school are lesbians now. I wonder if their frustration with me led them there to a point.

As for this, for $64 million and that beautiful woman, I'd have the sex change and any cosmetic surgery she deems necessary.

 

I dated a girl for like a minute who ended up living with a girl and then came back to the home team ( I had little to do with either choice).

And for $64 million, I would marry Chas Bono.

 

That sounds like she was trying to offer an invitation. For you, it should be a day that will live in infamy.

 

"Really, she won't mind."

 

Me: "Hello, Hong Kong Dad? Its Bubbler. Thought I'd give you an update on this marriage thing."

Hong Kong Dad: "I'm all ears, do tell!"

Me: "Well, I met her and we kind of hit it off."

Hong Kong Dad: "Splendid! I need details! There's 64-large in it for you if this works out."

Me: "I approached her and said, 'Look, I understand your dad's putting you under a lot of pressure about this whole lesbian thing. I'm in no hurry to woo you over to schlong nation. We can go at whatever speed you're comfortable with.'"

Hong Kong Dad: "Er, OK. Did you make progress?"

Me: "Definitely. She seemed impishly piqued by my interest, so she invited me over to her place."

Hong Kong Dad: "Oh shit! Oh shit! Did you consummate? Are you, Bubbler, the gateway drug to the joys of heterosexual animal lust? Please say yes."

Me: "Yeeessss?"

Hong Kong Dad: "You don't sound convincing."

Me: "Truth be told, she took me to her place and her wife was there waiting. Totally naked. Totally ready to school me on how a man should really eat pussy. See your daughter had phoned ahead and set this up for my benefit, and I'm guessing, for yours.

It was all a put-on. But she was a good sport. She said I was more than welcome to watch. So I did. Over and over and over again. I learned a LOT.

They said I was quite useful because they've never had that third person in the room to film them 69'ing one another and having been there, I can't disagree. They always had to stop to turn the camera, which took away from the feral intensity at which they went at each other. Something about camera angles, the lighting issues with the reddish tongue on labia, some such thing ...

Hong Kong Dad: "This is outrageous! You bastard son of bitch! You'll never get a cent from me!"

Me: "Rats! I guess I'll have to go on living without $64 million, but with that image of your daughter's face buried in extraordinarily wet trim. Put me on suicide watch!"

Hong Kong Dad: "Fuck you."

 

Actually, he does seem to have some success getting them to marry him. It is staying that way that seems to be the problem.

 

The capital of Nebraska is LINCOLN!

 

Why are you not on the writing staff of 2 1/2 Men?