SJ.COM All-purpose dating thread

I <3 SportsJournalists.com. That is all.

 

SportsJournalists.com <3's you too.

Can I speak for all of SportsJournalists.com? In this or any other instance? Well, if I can't, I still should, dammit.

 

You know, I'm trying really hard to keep myself open to the possibilities of relationships and marriage, but dammit ... marriages seem to be falling apart everywhere.

I know I'm 'at that age' where these things start happening, but it's really hard to remain hopeful about a marriage when you look at these things happening and are forced to think 'what's the point?'

As you can tell, I'm a little on the conflicted side of things.


NOTE: Edited to remove some personal details.

 

AMac, without quoting, let me say that what works for some people is sitting out the first round of marriages and then seeing who emerges with their sanity and emotions mostly intact. Perhaps that's meant to be your path.

 

Well, my parents will celebrate 47 years later this month. One sister will celebrate 18 years with her hubby in August, and five days later the other sister will celebrate 17 years of connubial bliss. So I've got some really stable marriages close to me, to say nothing of the friends that are coming up on anywhere from five to 10 years of marriage. And not less than five of my female friends either have given birth this year or will give birth before the end of the year.

That said, I look at the level of devotion to the marriage and dedication to the kids... and there's no way I can do it. I've been a shitty boyfriend in the past and, even four years clear of my last relationship, I haven't grown at all so I know it wouldn't change as a husband or father. Some people are meant to fly solo, yet our society puts a high premium on pairing off, which for me would be jackhammering a square peg into a round hole. That wouldn't be fair to me or a prospective partner.

I've never been one for societal expectations but I wish nothing but the best for everyone. Whatever is right for you is what will happen.

 

Thanks to both of you ... My parents were together for 33 years before my father died and my mother has never given thought in the last 15 years to replacing him. I have a number of friends and family in stable relationships, just as I have friends and family in rocky ones. So it's not like the positive examples aren't there.

It is the negative ones that we allow to drag us down, though, right?

ServeIt, I totally appreciate what you're saying. I've gone through that thought process, too ... confirming myself as a determined, lifelong bachelorette.

Life has a funny way of taking turns you don't expect, though, right?

 

93Devil,

That shit is the worst, but consider it a learning experience. There are a lot of women out there who pull that crap. To protect yourself from such a situation again, slam on the brakes regarding calls and texts. You never want to seem desperate. And don't ask for a second date when you're on a first date. Call her a day or two after. Let the date sink in a bit. If she's interested, you'll know.

 

We've had this discussion before, but I just wanted to drive the point home again.

 

AMac,

You're doing much better than I am. Then again, hermits do much better than I do.

Keep up the good work. Take care ...

 

And I'm glad you did. Because guys do do it, and it gives the rest of us an undeserved bad name.

 

Yes. And sometimes that leaves you eating crow (with the sauce of your choice).

I think waterytart has a very good point: I've watched a lot of "starter marriages" go up in flames in the last few years, and I remain grateful that I dodged that taffeta bullet at a young age.

I've also seen marriages that have lasted a long time but shouldn't have, and those that have seemed improbable but have continued to work. There's no one right way or magic formula for relationships.

 

Starter marriages.....hahaha....is that like sex where you practise for the pretty ones?

I'm totally kidding.