SJ.COM All-purpose dating thread

Because if you're not divorced yet, the other party in the legal proceeding might be able to use that information against you in order to get a more favorable result in court.

 

That's if they're using lawyers. She's up shit creek and knows it.

 

This is exactly why I would tread very, very carefully AMac. I agree that spending time/talking to him is not out of line, but you don't want to do anything that could threaten his legal status with either finances or kids. And it sounds like she's just the kind of bitch who might use a good-night kiss against him, regardless of her behavior. Going out with his parents means you are a "family friend" should the question arise. But I'd steer clear of overnights or time with the kids until the ink is dry.

(PS - we want an update after the fact!)

 

Thanks, love. We do a lot of talking about where we're going and what we want. There's no way there will be overnights or any such thing until after he takes possession of his new house in August. She has, apparently, started the paperwork to get it done, quick and painlessly. They've worked out child custody arrangements already and, he says, they talk more now than when they were trying to make the marriage work.

She already has a new boyfriend and the kids have met him, but we're so not going there with me for a while. He wants to be able to present his children with the idea of a stable relationship, because there's already so much confusion and chaos in their lives now and so much more to come.

There's so much more to this for me as well ... commitment-phobe and the foundations on that are starting to shake. He has two kids and wants two more ... and, hey, I'm not getting any younger.

So it really is one day at a time. Thinking everything through very clearly ... the whole nine yards.

That said, I only just realized last night that I was NOT on an unlimited-text plan and I could be in trouble when the end of the month rolls around.

Oh and if you're interested, he is in the latest batch of pics posted to Facebook, wearing grey.

 

Grey with an orange Yankees hat? Niiiiice.

 

</blushing and giggling a little>

 

I am hoping that I can give some friendly advice to a fellow cow-towner based on my experience. By all means tell me to PFO if you think I am out of line.

It looks like you have identified a warning flag on the "never lived alone" thing. Do not underestimate your inner voice that says "maybe he needs some time alone" - not out of a relationship alone but no co-habitating alone.

I have more than one friend who is driven by the fear of being alone rather than the joy of being with someone they really like. It is not so much as a laziness to look for the best thing but a need to find the most comfortable thing. Given that you are going on a date with his parents it sounds like you may be lined up in his eyes already.

I am a step dad to an awesome 12 year old girl whose mother I have been with for 6 and a half years (married for 4). The father is still in the picture. If you end up getting serious I offer the following advice: Always take the high road!

Even if his ex is a complete jerk - always take the high road. You have nothing to gain by getting dragged into the mess and anything you can do to drag him out of an ex mess will eventually be appreciated, and leave you a lot saner and happier. I know this from experience

Good luck on your date. Try the veal, tip your waitress.

 

I understand that. But if the papers are signed, whether the ink is still wet or not, what's stopping him from dating online or elsewhere?

 

They have a young son, who I think just turned 2. And my thinking is, if he gets caught doing this before the divorce is official, she can use that against him when it comes to the custody hearing.

 

I guess I shouldn't have assumed that "before the ink was dry on the papers" meant that the papers had in fact been signed, finalizing the divorce and freeing the guy to date whoever, whenever, with no fear of repercussions.

 

It's just an old saying, but as far as I know, the papers haven't been signed as of yet.

 

Hey Chet,
Thanks for your candor. As far as co-habitating, that's down the road a ways. Effective Aug. 1, I sign a six-month lease and, so, I'm tied to that place until the new year. I'm actually grateful for that, because it will be a way for him to figure out what solo living is all about.
I'm in no hurry to jump into his new house and be 'instant mom.' Lord knows, I still have to figure out in my heart if I want to be the one to finish off his family. I've certainly waffled in and out of the idea of giving birth and, most times, I'm on the 'out' side.
Oddly, I mentioned tomorrow's date with the parents to my boss's boss. She took a deep breath and said to not look upon this as a date, but to see myself as a friend who's taking the ticket that would otherwise go to waste.
And I promise ... eyes wide open.
By the way, we're going to see the Buddy Holly bio at Stage West. Will they have veal?