SJ.COM All-purpose dating thread

A Trojan eh? I was a Charger, we had a nice little track and cc rivalry going on there, but you guys owned us in the real sports. We were never good at those.

 

That's the place to be now. Too bad I can't afford to live there.

 

No, I was just born there. Never lived in Trenton.

 

Hold off and wait it out. The longer you wait the less chance you have of her thinking you are crazy. Besides if things are that good, you waiting to drop the L bomb for a bit shouldn't matter.

 

I definitely see the logic in that. My only argument for doing it sooner is that we have had a very open relationship, and aren't afraid to talk about big things. (like, we have already figured out if everything works out who moves where, and we've even dabbled in some wedding ideas).

I just don't want to be the guy who is afraid to express himself. Shit, it is like it is bottled up in me right now, and I always want her to know how I feel. I've already told her I loved spending time with her, but I think there is a lot more going on than that.

 

Don't say "I love you." Say "Ditto," it worked for this guy.

 

Ross: I love you.
Emily: Oooh, thank you!

 

I'm disappointed.

I thought you were talking about that other place called Trenton.

 

Don't be. The Trenton you are referring to isn't downwind from Wyandotte's waste treatment plant.

 

I have to agree with the others. Better to hold off on that one for a bit, unless she says it first. At that point, if you feel it, say it.

Trust me. Having the timing off on that one is very awkward.

 

Six weeks in is really early to say the "L" word, early enough that it has the potential to scare the other person off. It may work for you (Hell, did for my parents), but in a general sense, it's not a great idea.

 

I told my first girlfriend I loved her after six weeks, but wasn't really confident in the return. Luckily, I got it. At the time, I really felt like I loved her, and maybe I really did. But over the next few weeks and months -- and, eventually, years -- that feeling grew greater and greater. I'm sure, after those six weeks, there was a lot more infatuation than actual love. But that's usually the case.

The next time I said it, I waited. I felt I was in love after a couple months of talking/dating, and I even heard her say it -- "Oh, you know I love you" -- but she clammed up immediately, so I knew she didn't want me to hear it; I found out later she didn't. But I wanted to tell her for a while, but I figured the longer I wait, the more confident I'd be -- not only in the return, but how I felt about her. I ended up waiting about four months, holding onto those feelings for about three months. In hindsight, I should have told her earlier. She felt it. I felt it. And I ended up waiting just for that "perfect" moment, which never happened. The night I told her was an absolute mess, one which I'll regret forever, I'm sure.

You've got to go with how you feel, Back. If you two are really that close, and you're sure of your feelings -- you've been in love before, so you know the clues -- then I say go for it. But make sure you're being honest with yourself and not just hunting for another step further. If it feels right the next time you're together and the scene is set, open up to her. If it's too early, she'll most likely let you know.

Good luck, sir.