Sports opening - Jasper, Ala.

Stepped off the bus, looked around and thought better, huh?


Just kiddin'! I have family from that area.

 

I make less than that, pretty easily. It's *hard* to be single on that salary.

It's better where I'm at now, where my wife is a news reporter in the same spot and makes the exact same. It's way either for two people to live on $42k than it is for one person to live on $21k.

 

I have fond memories of my only stop at the Boobie Trap. I bought a T-shirt, but it disappeared a few days later. I think my wife found it.

 

This is the PERFECT job for Slappy -- I'd even be willing to be a reference -- if he wants to take a 50 percent pay cut, that is. Of course, they probably don't have the wondrous "prep tool."

 

Remind me to thank you properly for the reference...

 

He has a theme song:

I judge by what she's wearing
Just how many heads I'm tearing
Off of assholes coming on to her
Each night seems like it's getting worse
And I wish she'd take the night off
So I don't have to fight off
Every asshole coming on to her
It happens every night she works
They'll go and ask the DJ
Find out just what would she say
If they all tried coming on to her
Don't they know it's never going to work
They think they'll get inside her
With every drink they buy her
As they all try coming on to her
This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
I wish you'd do it again
I'll watch you leave here limping
There goes the next contestant

I even fear the ladies
They're cool but twice as crazy
Just as bad for coming on to her
Don't they know it's never going to work
Each time she bats an eyelash
Somebody's grabbing her ass
Everyone keeps coming on to her
This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]

I'm hating what she's wearing
Everybody here keeps staring
Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve
This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant

[CHORUS]
I wish you'd do it again
Each night seems like it's getting worse
I wish you'd do it again
This time somebody's getting hurt

There goes the next contestant