Stories That Have Broken You

Mr Jones,

I lost a longer post because of a glitch. Bottom line: Publication is rewriting interrupted.

YD&OHS, etc

 

FWIW, this is where I fall in attitude, though I'm far, far from comparing myself with the big-time writers out there. I can't imagine doing anything else, but the only satisfaction I get when I'm done with a longform story is that it's done and maybe I've learned enough through the process that next time it will be easier, if not at least smoother. I've gotten better about acknowledging that I did a good job on certain stories, but deep down I'm always wishing I had added another source or re-worded a passage or two (or six). If only I had more time!

As far as stories that have broken me, I don't have anything matching the substance I've read here from others. But after reading jgmacg's post a few back, I'm surprised I even want to write anything anymore. I fear I will never reach that level of insight.

 

jgmacg -- Go with God

 

I think that is a lot of writers. I'm the same way, even on a shorter story. I know I can always find one more thing, improve one more turn of phrase or add one more fact that would make the story just a little bit better.

It's not a matter of not loving what we do. It's knowing no matter how good any of us get, whatever level of quality our work reaches, we can always do just that little bit better.

 

It's difficult to feel either love or angst for a lot of the more mundane stories that can come with community sports writing ... the weekly roundup of gymnastics results, the minor hockey capsules, the baseball gamers ... and maybe the story that gets you really fired up comes once a month, once every three months or maybe never.

It's playing a game as much as the players about whom we write are playing. You take your chance when you get it.

When that occasional moment came through, I agonized, wrung my hands, deleted, retyped, pulled my hair, threw stuff, kicked my desk ... and I don't know if I remember ever being pleased with the result.

I do remember one story ... I got the quotes and I was grinning from ear to ear, because it was gold ... a rare occasion when you're dealing with a 16-year-old. It was a presser/scrum situation and you never know whether you're just going to be regurgitating the same damn shit the guy next to you writes.

I wrote it, read it, re-read it and hit send. I believe I captured her spirit in the piece and was told as much by my editors and people who read the piece. I remember enjoying the process, revelling in getting those quotes, pounding away at the keyboard and seeing that piece in print.

And I'm glad that I did, because as it turned out, that was the last sports piece I've been privileged to write.

But I digress.

I suspect, dear Jones, that the more you agonize, the better you write. And while you may not believe it yourself, your readers may see this as one of your best pieces.

 

I think I'm somebody who knows when I've nailed it. And I've nailed it a couple times.

I also know when it was just 'almost.' Unlike print, however, often it's just bad luck. You don't have the money shot.

 

I generally hate all the things that I write.
I used to care, deeply, about every word and throw myself into the craft of writing, but everytime I do. Everytime I spend hours working on my close or how to frame that one great quote, it gets hacked in the editing and a little piece of me dies.

 

Any updates on your story, Jones?

 

I'm in the last week of editing, forever -- just minor changes now. It's in "pages," which means it's laid out, but we can still tweak it.

It's 17,000 words now, so slimmer, but still a beast.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's a good story, I think, if that doesn't sound immodest. My editor did some really good work on it, and I'm happier about it than I was. I still think it probably could have been better, but I'm not really sure what I would have done differently. At this point, I've read it so many times, I can't really see it any other way.

I can honestly say I tried my best, though. I worked really hard on it. I missed a lot of sleep because of it. I just hope the people who read it, read it all the way through.

Thanks for asking.

 

No problem, Jones. I'll give it my best shot once it's published.

Hearing 17,000 words makes my eyes widen. I've never gone past 1,300 words for any of my stories. And some of the writers in my employ have done so on a few occasions.

 

I hit 3,000 words once. Damn near killed me. I spent nearly a month writing, researching and interviewing anything to do with the subject.

30,000? And now 17,000? That blows my mind. But the best part is that you worked really hard on it, and if you can't do it differently, there's no other way to do it than put forth your best effort.

Here's to hoping you're pleased with the published result.

 

Damn, I don't know who you are, but I wish I did.

I'd damn sure like to read some of those stories.