The Best Quotes You Couldn't Use

after a football game where his team got pounded in all aspects, the coach...It was an old-fashion ass kicking and we certainly provided the ass

 

From a losing high school football coach: "We were flatter than a plate of piss."

 

HS football preview interview. Coach is already frustrated because they dropped the last four games of the 2005 after winning a state title in 2004. Interview is on the field while he and assistants paint the sidelines. They couldn't find a 100-yard rope, only two 50-yard ropes. Assistants are grumpy because they can't find the 100-yard rope.

Coach: "Just tie the two together! My God, this is like a monkey humping a football!"

After he loses the season opener in 2OT: "I'll see you next week if I'm not hanged first."

After his second loss of the season: "You're my only friend right now. And considering you're the media, that doesn't make me feel any better."

Can't wait for next week's preview. They're practicing to defend a team that plays a wing-T formation.

 

if i can figure out how to make my fancy new digital recorder download to my computer like it said it would, i'll find a way to post this, because no one will believe this one if I don't ...

KId knocks the hell out of opposing player (WR, who had just caught a pass) ball pops out, get scooped up and returned for a TD. That team went on to score three unaswered TDs.

Ask the kid about the hit and he says ...

"My dick got hard when I saw that n.... coming across the middle."

The coach, not standing real close but was in earshot, turned white as a sheet.

I ran it in the paper as ...

"(I got excited) when I saw (joe blow) coming across the middle."

That's is going to be a story i tell forever

 

What's wrong with that? Other than assuming readers would be smart enough to get the joke.

 

i'll never tell, guessing on the coach's reaction, i'd guess the kid is white?

 

'

What was your reaction? I couldn't have kept myself from laughing.

 

We had a girls basketball coach say after a tough postseason loss, "I love those fucking kids."

 

I've got a couple from the college football world.

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Asked Player A if he'd heard from his cousin (who plays for an upcoming opponent).

"Shit yeah. That motherfucker's been talking shit to me all fucking week."

I say, "I can't use that"

And he says (actually surprised) Oh.

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Two weeks into fall football camp, classes have started, two freshmen on the sidelines of the practice field near campus - "Hey, D. That clocktower over there... that's where campus is right?"

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DB coach yelling at his DB during practice after the DB hits a receiver in non-contact session: "Damnit! I mean...(shakes head) Fuck. You like Piggly Wiggly? Huh? (pause) You hit that receiver one more time in this drill, you'll be back home in Ala-fucking-bama working at the Piggly Wiggly."

 

Had a new head coach come in to take over a dismal football program. On the first play of spring practice, the quarterback takes a two-step drop and throws a fade pass down the sideline. The pass ends up in the third row of the stands, a good 15 yards wide of the target. The head coach turns to the offensive coordinator and says, "May the Lord have mercy on our souls."

Classic.

(Modified to avoid additional smart-ass comments because of a brain fart when typing)

 

God bless the bottoms of his feet.

 

Our prep writer shared this one with us tonight (she's not planning on using it, and I have no idea why):

"We had one player just go stupid on us. Injuries are one thing ... you can put ice on an injury. You can't put ice on stupid."