The Big Ball Theory

Sigh. I see it. But such is the world. Assholes are in the news daily. Assholes makes news.

Tiger Woods is a spectacular, documented asshole hawking a book because he can't play golf well any more. He wasn't all over TV a few days ago because he's among the world's great people. SVP, who's now going to boycott mentioning Father Ball because he's "insufferable," didn't practically genuflect in a Woods interview a few days ago because of Woods' humanity and generosity.

The tide only turned against Father Ball when he dared poke Jordan and LeBron. Not because they're great people, but because that offends the sensibility of celebrity fawners who work in national media. Just like Jon Stewart, who can be a prick to any old politician, turned schoolgirl in the presence of Tom Cruise, who benefits from documented servant labor through his church.

Father Ball is uniquely singled out for being an asshole not because he's uniquely an asshole, but because he aimed at basketball royalty.

 

Charles Barkley might be the asshole to end them all. And whose opinion is coveted on TV? His.

 

That is beautiful.

 

They beat Purdue, too.

 

And they ran until they couldn't eat supper.

 

My left ball has been itchy. Maybe I need to apply some hydrocortisone.

 

Left Ball.
That's the name of the kid no one talks about.

 

I'm going to go ahead and guess that losing Lonzo Ball might have had an impact there, too.

 

Just imagine when long-lost brother Harry shows up.

 

Shoot, they have two guys who are better than him, right?

If you have two HS players who are better than Lonzo Ball, losing shouldn't even be possible.

 

Cousin Blue Ball is transferring in next year, too.