The "Homer" sports writer

While I was on vacation, there was a thread about me. How nice.

 

And Washington State won two in a row. It was a poor time to go on vacation.

 

It sucked when I was 30. Now, I just don't give a shit.

 

Just had a bonehead move happen to me.

Now, I'm in the Northeast and as you can imagine, it's February. I usually wear one of a three sweaters/hoodie combination to HS games. Problem is, they're all pro-gear. I know people generally frown upon it b/c it's not professional so i try to take it off and carry it once i get into the doors.

Tonight, I'm wearing a New England Patriots hoodie. I take it off before entering the gym, no problem. Sit through and watch a close, nail-biter of a game between the Buttfucks and the Dillweeds. After the game, gym clears and i'm waiting outside for the Buttfuck coach. (couldn't get him immediately after final buzzer because the team bolted to the lockeroom) It's cold as hell so i toss my sweater on, not thinking about it. Midway through the interview with the coach I realize i'm wearing my Patriots sweater, which is funny since they just narrowly avoided losing to an 0-18 Dillweed team with the nickname of, you guessed it, Patriots.

Felt like an ass, 55% because of my wanting to be professional, 45% because of this forum.

 

I don't really think it can be said better than this.

Work ethic, professionalism, all those esoteric qualities about how we should go about our jobs that we discuss ad nauseam, cannot be turned on and off like a switch. You either give the effort, or you don't. You either mail it in, or you don't.

While I certainly think there's an element of wanting to "step up your game" for big events like a state championship or a Final Four or a Super Bowl, because those types of games are an adrenaline rush to cover, I think you have to give the same kind of effort, if not energy, for even the most mundane assignments.

Everyone I know who "gets" that has invariably been successful. Writers, deskers, editors, everyone.

 

I see some of the worst football and basketball refs covering the school I do (every other sport is usually pretty good). You should see, however, the looks I get when I comment on a bad call that goes in favor of the team I cover.

For instance, one game, one of the men's basketball players for the team I cover got away with an obvious goal tend. Wasn't even close. Everyone in the arena is going nuts and when things died down, I said, "Man, how did they screw up that goal tend?"

The PA guy and assistant AD gave me blank looks as if to say, "Who's side are you on here?"

 

That's three in a row ... not that I am counting. But back on topic ...

Working the desk at a small daily and the sports editor/beat writer for the major D-I team in our area writes a column, exhorting the "home team" to win its rivalry game "for him" because then he gets to go cover the bowl game. Twenty-flippin-five inches of him talking about how far the team had come, how hard they had worked and how the perfect ending would be the team and him getting to spend the holidays "someplace warm." I assume he was bringing the Astroglide.

Another one -- covering two mid-level bowl teams, neither of which had enough offense to generate friction, so the score's floating at 9-7 with less than a minute to go. Home team brings its unbelievably shitty kicker out to try a "game-winning" 50-yard FG. Everybody in the press box -- largely silent -- knew this clown wasn't going to connect. He kicks it, it falls about 7 yards short, but one of the radio assclowns slams both fists down on his desk and it sounds like a gunshot rang out in the room. Scared the shit out of me. I actually ducked.

God bless the school's (great) SID, he bellows over the PA: "Those cheering or showing high levels of outward emotion in the press box will be removed."

The next day a columnist for one of the papers in the area wrote about the frustration of the team's fans and that it was even crossing over into the media "as evidenced by the Bruce Lee-job that scared the hell out of the assembled media in the press box."

 

I know a guy who wears the shirt of the school he covers to games and events. he openly and proudly cheers. He also always comes over to talk to me after "his" team loses to "mine" as if he's conceding ... as if I won and beat him.

That stuff is ridiculous. But I also get sick of the pissing contest that is trying to prove how "unbiased" we are. Some of you act like even cracking a smile when the team you cover wins a game is a sin. It's like when interviewing a kid after he won the state championship you kick him in the balls for wanting to share his joy with you.

"Celebrate that, you little shit."

I don't cheer for the teams I'm covering when I'm at games, but working in a small community with the same kids, coaches and families year after year, I do start to care. What kind of black-hearted bastard wouldn't? I don't wear team colors, I don't hug or cry, yell at the refs or give high-fives. I write about kids that transfer away, get kicked off the team and quit the program. I cover the losses just as vigorously as I cover the wins. I try to be fair. You don't have to hate the teams to be fair though.

When a parent, kid or coach looks my way and screams "Great game, huh??" I politely smile and nod, or offer a bit of commentary on a noteworthy or outstanding play or player. I don't give them a blank look or tell them to F-off.

I don't think it's "sigh" worthy for that older reporter to wear the cap the baseball team gave him in the offseason -- he was smart enough not to "cheer" in the press box ... who are you to judge what he does when he's not in the press box? I've had teams give me t-shirts and crap too ... no, I've never asked and it's the kind of thing that I've tried to refuse 100 times but eventually learn it's just easier to take and say "thanks." I wear them around the apartment, or when I go for a run. I don't use them as toilet paper like it seems some of you do.

I've always liked sports because they're exciting and they get me excited. I hope I never turn as dark and negative ... as "unbiased" as some of you.

 

There was this small-time reporter who tripped upon covering the greatest dynasty in state basketball history -- four straight championships. And she was in on the gravy train every step of the way, every bus ride, every game.

So after this club wins its fourth in a row, what's her first question?

"So, coach ... how many state titles in a row is that now?"

 

I've never really been asked what I think after a game but I have parents always ask me what I think before a win. I just always tell them the hometown team is going to win. It makes them smile and go away. If I say they're going to lose then I may be drawn into a debate about how their kid is going to win the game.

 

Good thing you aren't the beat writer for the Washington Generals.

 

I say something like .. "Ah, I don't know ... The Mushroom Bruises are supposed to be pretty tough this year. Should be a good game."