The Internet dating world is a cesspool

When I first read he went on 88 dates, I was hoping to read that he landed 88 BJs.

Apparently far from it. So much for computer science. But, it's a start... the pathway to March 14th.

 

And if he hadn't fine-tuned his profile based on his research, she may not have found him.

 

Cesspool, indeed. More power to you I guess.

 

The six-foot thing is overrated. I hit that mark, but don't feel it helps at all.

 

88 dates?
With Eric Lindros?

 

Trust me if you're not that big its just about impossible to get a sniff. I've been off and on for 4-5 years and I'd say one out of every 50 messages I send out gets answered. I've been contacted first maybe a dozen times. I'm clearly doing it wrong.

 

I'm 6-1 and I've done online dating in the past, and I don't think the tall things helps as much as shorter guys think. Your ratio sounds pretty similar to mine. I think women just get so bombarded on these sites, they can disqualify a guy for whatever reason they choose.

 

My ratio is way higher than that.

I don't want to get into critiquing what you guys are doing, but there's some tricks that help:

1) Choose your profile picture *carefully*. It means almost everything. It should be a good picture, well-lit, and ideally show you doing something fun. Looking straight at the camera is a no-no.

2) Keep your profile rather vague. People are looking for reasons to dismiss you, don't give them one.

3) Be positive. Relentlessly positive. Not a scrap of negativity.

4) The golden format for opening message: Say something funny, followed by an open-ended question involving something on their profile.

 

I've used match and, as many of you know, it worked out pretty well for me (go back many pages on this thread to SF's post), so I'll give you a female perspective. It is likely skewed a little because of my age and living in South Florida, though, and just maybe because I'm me.

1) Picture - I disagree that the main picture should be an action shot and that looking straight at the camera is a bad thing. I want to see the person's face in that picture. In the rest of the pictures, I want to see that the guy looks pretty much like he does in that first one. Action shots are fine at this point but any pictures that don't clearly show a face are useless. I don't want pictures of the guy without a shirt (talk about screaming "vain") or pictures of fish he's caught, vacation vistas, pets or cars.

2) Profile - I disagree that it should be vague. The vague ones all sound alike. Red wine, fireplaces, thunderstorms, beach walks, opening car doors, cleanup well, like to go out but quiet nights at home are romantic, yada yada. Who fucking cares. I want a profile that stands out and shows a sense of humor. I contacted SF because he profile was so different. Well, that and because he was from Wisconsin. Be careful in the choices for what you are looking for. Make sure it's realistic, but don't all leave those questions answered as "any" or "all" because that looks desparate. Don't tell me what a great kisser you are and under no circumstances describe the freaking kiss. Just ick.

3) Being positive - I agree that it is very important to be positive. However, including something negative can show honesty.

4) Opening message - Something funny is good. I think saying something that shows you actually read the woman's profile is important, too.

5) Height - I don't know that I paid much attention to height, but I'm not quite 5'3" so most anybody is taller than me. HOWEVER, I think every guy I met in person had lied about his height. Even SF may have made himself just a hair taller than he really was. It is a funny boy vanity that makes me laugh. Cracked me up how many guys say they look younger than they are. Really. I can see the pictures. Also amazing how many guys described themselves as "fit and toned." Again, I can see the pictures.

6) After a couple of messages - TALK ON THE PHONE. That call isn't going to be conclusive but will give you a pretty good idea whether a meeting is worthwhile.

 

I didn't mean obscure your face. I meant look *slightly* off center from the camera. It's SCIENCE! of some kind or another.

I've done both vague and highly specific profiles. Vague got a *lot* more responses, but less quality. I'm as guilty of this as anyone: Someone that I'd love if I met IRL, I look at their profile and think "Eww, they like *that* band? Moving on..."

 

I always keep on trucking figure it only takes one. Then one I meet and I date for a year decides she doesn't feel a love connection and that we feel like friends, any of her other "regular" friends. I've been friend-zoned by plenty of people I met in school or through work or whatever, but it must take some freakin talent to get friend-zoned by the girlfriend you met on a dating web site.

Cesspool indeed.