The Internet dating world is a cesspool

It needs to be worded more as a compliment and less as the shocking display of poor self-esteem we've seen here.

 

No kidding. We need much more assertiveness here, less Eeyore.

 

I earned these confidence issues the hard way. The part of my brain that is capable of believing a woman is interested in me was more or less bludgeoned to death.

I got back from a second date with a different woman last night (whole different kind of fucked up story there), and I started internet stalking BetterThanHerPics. She had mentioned that she had a rough romantic experience relatively recently, and when I searched her name, I found a bunch of engagement pics on a local photographer's site, dated last year. I can only assume the wedding did not go forward.

Her ex-fiance whom I gather dumped her? He looks like my nightmare of how people perceive me. Like if I gained 75 pounds of bad weight and grew a neckbeard, we'd be twins.

So my plan was to wait another day or two before deciding whether to contact her again, but I caught her looking at my profile on the dating site last night, so I went ahead and sent her a message. I got three responses. Her ruse of fake interest just to be nice is getting rather elaborate at this point, so I decided to play along and pretend like I'm a viable dating candidate for her and ask her out again and we're on for Wednesday night.

That's more or less how it would go. It's been a five-year drought and I've only been divorced for nine months. Why do you think Rick Stain would?

 

Uh... you're kidding, right? Holy... take a swing at it! The worst that happens is you whiff at a fastball going by over the plate...

 

I think this lady might have found your hugging comment endearing. Charming perhaps. Yeah, funny and awkward, but women can like slower developing relationships.

But it definitely gave her something to think about over the past few days. Thus a hook for a second date. I don't think it's feigning interest.

Quit thinking negatively. You play your cards right, and you might have really found someone who also just happens to be beautiful.

 

This.

Rick, I'm sorry you haven't gotten laid in five years. That really blows. But it's unfair to this new woman, who's showing some sustained interest in you, to use that against HER. She had nothing to do with your past relationship issues.

 

I asked her out again, didn't I?

I *know* this shit's all in my head and I'm usually pretty good at faking confidence, outside of the weird "Oh, are we hugging?" moments.

I just tell you guys these stories because they're funny.

Here's the story of my first date ever. I wasn't allowed to do anything that even resembled dating in junior high and high school because fundamentalist Christian parents.

So I'm 17, freshman in college, never even done the fake junior high "I like you so you're my girlfriend" thing. I joined the newspaper, and there was one other freshman doing a lot of work there, a young woman. The upperclassmen at the paper decided it'd be great fun to set up the two freshman, so they pushed it until we agreed to go on a date. She had broken up with her high school boyfriend to go to college 45 minutes away, so she was single and on the rebound.

I show up at her apartment and she says hi, then says she's not quite ready yet and needs to duck into her room. I meet her roommates and then sit down on the couch in the common room. The phone rings in date's bedroom, I can hear it through the door.

10 minutes pass. 20 minutes. It's starting to get uncomfortable, but I really didn't know what to do. 30 minutes, we're not making the movie. 45 minutes, I should really just leave but I don't.

After an hour, she comes out of her bedroom. "That was my ex on the phone. We're back together now. Do you still want to go to the movies?"

 

The world is sprinkled with assholes.

BTHP might turn out to be a gem though!

Good luck, RS!

 

Yep. Seriously? Going to tell someone you won't date them because she's too hot? Come on, dude!

 

I agree with Versatile that he has to say it as a compliment and not in a self-deprecating, I'm not good enough for you way. Otherwise, it may make her like you more but in that best friend kind of way.

 

You guys are killing the stories with serious advice. I appreciate the thought, but let's all just laugh along, right?

The insecurities are real, but I know enough to at least try to fake confidence.

I didn't include this in the original story: I always send an "I had fun" message a few hours after a date, unless I really didn't have fun. And honesty is one of my better qualities, so I decided to steer into this a little bit and that night texted her "I was a little wrongfooted when you got out of the car, because you are way cuter than your pictures. But I recovered and it was fun."

Brought it up, made it a compliment, lied through my teeth about recovering and she seems to have bought it.

 

Well done, RS.