The one person for you. Reality or farce?

Not to completely call BS on this, because I also think 'the one' theory is not true because there can be hundreds of 'the ones' out there if you meet and grow together.

But I'm not ashamed to think there was some 'divine intervention' or guidance at work getting my wife and me together. I suppose we both could have found happiness with another, but I honestly do think, in our case at least, there was some form of divine direction in our relationship's beginning and development.

We've been a couple for longer than we have not been a couple. We'll hit 17 years of marriage this September.

At this stage, she is The One.

 

After 17 years and four kids, I would hope so.

Allow me to on a mini-rant, and note this has nothing to do with Idaho, I'm just responding to his post:

I was telling a friend yesterday that I consider people who cheat on their spouses to be only marginally ahead of child rapists and murderers on the "bad people" scale. To me, there is no excuse for cheating, especially if you have many years and many responsibilities together. If you want out of the relationship, get out. Don't fuck around.

I think some (not all) of the motivation for cheating comes from this concept of The One. People get into a relationship, they question if he/she is The One, they begin to doubt, then they wander because they're afraid The One is out there and they missed it. And if they do cheat with someone they go on to form a relationship with, they try to justify the cheating by saying it was to get to The One. Bullshit, all of it.

 

*applauds Cadet*

If you want to cheat, get out of your relationship first, because it's already over.

 

Wait, are you saying all that's between us and you is a thin layer of gabardine?

 

I don't doubt that I've found my "one". Doesn't mean we dont' work at it or that we don't annoy each other sometimes. It does mean that he's my best friend and accepts me exactly as I am.

On the other hand, if we were no longer together, I have no doubt that I would happily live the rest of my life single and celibate.

 

I really think this question has a different answer depending on your age and place in life.

The One who satisfies your needs and dreams when you're in your 20s or 30s may not be the same One who shares your vision for the later years....maybe that One turns out to be a lousy parent or puts you in bankruptcy or ultimately fails to be there for you in a truly challenging life situation.

And you probably won't know that until you've faced a lot of life together.

I've watch a lot of wonderful people go through divorces lately....because they look around and say 'this is it?' Nothing to look forward to...the kids are headed to college or already gone, they know how much money they're going to make, what kind of house they'll live in, what kind of sex they're going to have for the rest of their lives....and suddenly The One isn't looking so good. Very sad, because they rarely find anything better on the other side. The problem isn't with their mate, it lies within.

So at the end of the day, The One has to be you, yourself....and if you find someone who loves and cherishes and adores you, as you are, for the person you want to be, who shares your vision of the future and the path to get there....you are truly blessed.

 

Um, Cadet, I could fill up a JDV-esque-sized post with folks on the bad-people continuum between "cheater" and "murderer." I don't know if it was for dramatic effect, but I would think you know a little better than that. For example, I'm not willing to say that a woman who is abused by her spouse and has real fears about who the spouse would hurt if she filed for divorce, and decides to surreptitiously find solace in the arms of another man, is worse than a "driveway contractor" who bilks old people out of money, or someone who tells a lie and gets someone fired.

 

I have noticed -- around here at least (and I mean my burbs, not this board) -- that the turning point in a relationship has been one of those major events in life, such as getting married, having a baby, and/or buying a house together.

A lot of relationships these days just don't seem to have what it takes to get past the stress that comes with those major events.

It boggles my mind sometimes, considering the battles my parents endured to stay together ... and often solidifies my intent to never get married.

That said, I asked a boy today if he was OK with being one of my future ex-husbands, as long as he was my favourite future ex-husband. We laughed, he said yes ... both of us knowing we would have already hooked up if we both weren't so painfully shy when it comes down to brass tacks.

 

I don't know. Maybe this is my self-loathing coming into play. Earlier in the thread, someone said maybe it is about being 'The One' for someone else. I just can't see how anyone could look at me and think I'm the person for them.

 

Ya, that's self-loathing.

 

H_Beat, look for the woman wearing the Gravy jersey. There's your soulmate.

 

Thanks for that.