The one person for you. Reality or farce?

In a way I do believe there is a "the one" out there for people.

I spent all of high school and college getting turned down for dates with the line "you're a nice guy but.... " After college managed to go on some dates and for one reason or another, none of them lasted more than one date. Then I got into a long-distance relationship and it was on-off-on again-off-on again for many more years than it should have been (probably due to the fear of not finding someone else). During one of the "off" periods I wound up dating someone local for 5 months who dumped me during the two weeks between Valentine's Day and my birthday.

Then, just over 3.5 years ago, I met the woman I married. We just clicked personality wise from the start. After the first date I knew there was something special there. The second and third dates simply confirmed that for both of us. Four months after we met I proposed. A year after that we got married. Next month marks two years we've been married and I'm the happiest I've been. Sometimes its fate that leads you to your one, sometimes its luck, sometimes you might never find that person.
But sometimes its just timing. Had we met 3 years earlier, who knows if things would have worked out as we would have been at different points in our lives.

 

Several years ago, I remember a stand-up comic using the line:

"I lay awake at night worrying 'what if that woman I flipped off on the freeway this morning was supposed to be my one true love?' "

 

Jeff Gordon and Mikey Waltrip don't count.

 

The night before I got married, hives broke out all over my body. Hives the size of my fist in some places. I went to a doctor, who gave me some steroids to knock the swelling down. I couldn't wear my ring until a few days after the honeymoon ended.

Three years later, I finally realized what the hives were trying to tell me. It was an amicable divorce and that was nine years ago.

 

About a decade ago, I heard a commedian (I can't remember is name) say "They say there's somone for everyone, but what if the one for me died at birth or I gave her the finger after she cut me off on the highway?"
I think that's what happened to "the one" for me.
But I've made peace with that.

 

As much as I love Mrs. CI ... "the one" is silliness. We find someone that best matches our way of life, our being. Bottom line: We're all animals and to act as if some divine intervention or otherwise pairs us with another ... well, that's just foolishness.

 

I always find it interesting when people say, "Well, things happen for a reason!"

Really? Why do some people die lonely and alone then? Why do half of all marriages fail?

I think love is different for everyone. Some people are going to be like ArnoldBabar and his wife, and are going to never raise their voice and have very few disagreements. It's smooth and beautiful, like classic music.

Some people are going to quarrel, snap at one another, go through rough patches, then fall in love all over again, over and over, for the rest of their lives. That's love too, I think. Sometimes it's a perfect fit, and you experience one happy day after another. For most of us, I think love and relationships are more complicated. My wife is wonderful in 1,000 different ways, but she's also emotional and needy and even, she would agree, a little crazy sometimes. But she challenges me to be a better person too. And sometimes fighting is really good for us. It's loud and messy and beautiful, like good jazz.

I think there are probably other wonderful women out there I could have been happy with. And there are probably other men out there that could have made her happy. We were lucky enough to find one another at the right time, patient enough to find out how much we had in common, and brave enough to risk taking a chance on one another. I could not imagine my life, at this point, without her. I feel like I'm lucky.

I also know our marriage is going to be work as it moves forward. It's already been work.

But it's been fun too. She might not be perfect, but neither am I. And as it stands, we make pretty good music together.

 

It's the glow of that electro-chemical reaction that causes people to believe in 'the one' kind of romantic love.
Logically, there can't be one perfect person for each person.
Proximity is the biggest unaccounted for factor in romantic 'love.'

 

i noticed that a lot of people still seeking the "one" expect perfection in all ways.

but it just doesn't work that way, at least not after the first few months of passion cool off.

those of us who are married can attest to this. i love my wife. she's my 'one.' but she has flaws, and i see them. and she'd say the same about me.

because we love each other the pros far outweigh the negatives.

 

Love is a decision; it's not some random thing that strikes you. A good lesson I remember from high school. A priest taught the class, strangely enough.

 

Buck - you not accepting the fact that it's a new paradigm in the digital age.

 

I think he means that those of us who are proximity-challenged still make it work.

Buck, I'm disappointed that your brilliant knowledge of Blake and Keats has been reduced to 'love the one you're with.'