"The Paper" alert

Would you and your creamy little friend like to come along now?

 

If you want to cover Brooklyn, cover Brooklyn. But it's pretty hard to do from a bar stool in Manhattan.

 

I took up a collection, and you can never ask anyone again.
(There really is always a spare-change mooch in a newsroom.)

 

You never appreciate bladder control, until its gone.

 

Every time I see those Charles Schwab commercials where they finish with Talk to Chuck, I flash back to the scene with Glenn Close laying on the gurney fighting off the anasthesia and saying, "I gotta talk to Chuck. I gotta talk to Chuck ..."

 

My favorite part of the movie was always the scene in which Henry and wifey are meeting the parents for dinner... and the clock just goes Salvadore Dali on him, time distorts, flies by. I think we've all had that disorienting experience.

Most of the best lines have already been shared, but how about this one:
"Anna: Oh, Henry, this might interest you. The mother whale in the Ukraine had triplets.
Henry: She told me she was on the pill!"

 

Doctor: Now don't overreact. If we go after it early, before it metastasizes to a bone, the majority of these prostate cancer cases are beatable.
Bernie: Go after it how?
Doctor: Irridation therapy.
Bernie: That's fantastic. That's wonderful, because... as it turns out, that's exactly the portion of my anatomy I'd like to see exposed to radiation.
Doctor: You'll have to take an hour or two off work for each treatment. We should start right away. How's next monday?
Bernie: To burn a hole in my ass? Sounds good. Then I still have the weekend.

 

"We run stupid headlines because we think they're funny. We run maimings on the front page because we got good art. And I spend three weeks bitching about my car because it sells papers. But at least it's the truth. As far as I can remeber we never ever, ever knowingly got a story wrong... until tonight."

 

I watched that scene in a movie theater in California which was pretty full. I was one of about six or seven people who cracked up at the line.

 

...WITNESSED by two old ladies from Staten island.

 

MINOR DERAILMENT!

also:

Big scoop from the TV guys: Schmoe's brother cancels trip.

 

Fixed.