The Soccer Thread (Version 9)

I'm actually sick. If Burnley get relegated, today will be the day that everyone remembers. Oh my God.

 

Heaton was brilliant. I had to say it, but time has passed Mata and Matic by.

 

Chelsea ... gaaaaack!

 

Watford proving that maybe sitting back for 45 fucking minutes and trying to hold onto three points isn't the best strategy. Fuck.

 

Somewhere @typefitter is practicing his robot dance.

 

Here's the thing. Years ago, Crouch played for England in a friendly against, I want to say, Jamaica, maybe. He scored a hat trick while also missing a penalty, which is hard to do. When he scored his last goal, to make it 6-0, he did the fucking robot. And I thought to myself: If I were that Jamaican keeper, Peter fucking Crouch wouldn't walk off that grass with two good legs. I've hated Crouch since.

Until now. Now I'll put his whole cock and balls in my mouth if he keeps Burnley up.

 

That seems ... excessive.

 

What? His robot dance really bugged me. Hey-YOOOOO

 

Crouch doesn’t need two good legs as long as he can camp in the goal mouth and launch his noggin.

 

'I pick the team on penis size!': Female coach delivers perfect response to interview question

 

When Man City play like that, it is just thrilling to watch.

 

How do they not win the league? They could have scored more.