The Transgender Tipping Point

The kid can't be more than 10.

 

How old were you when you realized your gender identity was male?

 

A friend of my wife's is dealing with an issue with her 9 (I think, maybe 10) year old daughter. The girl thinks she's a boy right now; cut her hair short, started dressing like a boy and changed her name to a boy-sounding name.

The thing is, though, is that she's had multiple mental-health (as well as physical) issues. She has a constant need for attention and has done multiple things in desperation for that attention. She supposedly tried to kill herself at one point (she made a noose in the closet, then ran to tell her mother that she was thinking about suicide) and at another point, claimed that her neighbor boy, who is around her age, sexually assaulted her. (This was proven false very quickly, and she admitted she was lying).

Some of her issues, my wife and I think, comes from her mother, who we think has Munchausen's. Her dad also has physical health issues and her older brother is autistic. We think she acts the way she does because there are times when other members of her family need help and attention and that she gets jealous of that. She has been getting mental help and been institutionalized a couple of times.

But now, we don't know if she's doing the gender thing just for attention and it will be a passing fad, or if it's a legitimate feeling for her. So my wife is kinda stuck about the whole thing. If she calls the girl by her girl name, the mom gets upset. Yet, my wife feels like if it's just a cry for attention, then she shouldn't be encouraging it by using the boy name.

 

I'm not one to dispense medical advice. But there are mental health professionals that specialize in or diagnose gender dysphoria. If there's any chance that previous mental health issues of the child is stemming from this crisis of identity, perhaps knowing the source, and ways to move forward, would help. If not, as you said, there could be a better perspective on how to handle this.

 

That's one factor that crossed my mind is that she has always had to deal with being confused, which might be a cause of her recent behavior. But on the other hand, this only cropped up in the past few months. Before that, she had always identified herself as a girl, dressed like one, etc. and had seemed fairly normal, except for her physical handicaps.

For the most part, my wife has been staying out of it. She'll talk to the mom on occasion and more or less just nod her head when the mom starts talking about her daughter as a boy. We used to have them over the house quite frequently, but now we don't for fear it might give her an opportunity for another false allegation. If she eventually stabilizes, and the mom gets her act together, then we might spend more time with them.

 

It's certainly difficult to ascertain, and none of us (should) want to be in the position of determining the veracity of a child's inner struggles. I also know that not everyone can afford to go see a specialist. So it's hard.

But also, based on some of my transgendered friends and acquaintances, it wouldn't surprise me if the signs of misidentification didn't come up immediately. We are conditioned into gender norms very early, and inherently set up that binary. It can take a bit of newfound independence to not only realize the source of confusion, but also start to combat it.

Again, I'm not a doctor. And you know the situation ahead of me. But obviously, answers are better than guesses where we can find them, especially in something that impacts a child's development/happiness/sense of self.

 

[QUOTE="EddieM, post: 3873418, member: 148385"If there's any chance that previous mental health issues of the child is stemming from this crisis of identity, perhaps knowing the source, and ways to move forward, would help.[/QUOTE]

Would you suggest that "mental health issues" might influence someone's sexual preference?

Would you ever suggest any form of treatment designed to convince someone -- even a child -- that his sexual preference was wrong, or would try and change it?

It's now commonly accepted that people know their sexual preference at a very young age. Why would we think it's any different with sexual identity?

 

Would you suggest that "mental health issues" might influence someone's sexual preference?

Would you ever suggest any form of treatment designed to convince someone -- even a child -- that his sexual preference was wrong, or would try and change it?

It's now commonly accepted that people know their sexual preference at a very young age. Why would we think it's any different with sexual identity?[/QUOTE]

Not to speak for Eddie or Baron, but the point seems to be that an expert could determine whether this is an attention-getting tactic or that there is truly sexual identity questions going on. What the hell is wrong with that?

 

Has anyone ever claimed to be gay as an attention-getting tactic? Ever?

What would you say about someone who was to suggest such a thing?

 

Sean Avery.

 

People claim all sorts of things to get attention. And this is a 9-year-old we are talking about.

 

OK. So, if a nine-year-old said they were gay, would it be appropriate for the parents to treat this -- under any circumstances -- as simply an attention getting technique?