The Transgender Tipping Point

As has been discussed, if the child has done numerous other things for attention, then an expert should be involved to determine whether she is truly questioning her sexual identity. You're looking for an argument that isn't there.

 

Because you refuse to answer a simple question.

If a child who has done numerous other things for attention, declared themselves to be gay, would we chalk it up as one more attention seeking act, and seek to "correct it" or would we take it seriously?

 

Thing is, I'm not even sure if she is pretending to be gay (I'm not that close to the family). I'm not aware that she suddenly has an interest in girls. She may just be pretending, or believes to be a boy in terms of appearance and her name.

Also, as far as I know, the help she is getting is about a variety of things, such as dealing with physical and mental handicaps, her mental issues, and how she reacts to things.

 

You misunderstand me.

I'm saying someone's sexual preference (and its confusion with cultural norms) could influence and cause mental health issues. I would never suggest a treatment that convinces someone they are wrong about their sexual preference. And I don't think it's any different with sexual identity.

My point, as mentioned, is that if one has the means, and their child might be going through gender dysphoria, they should treat it seriously and ask questions to professionals rather than try to decide if their child is just "in a phase."

 

If it came across like I thought anyone needed "correcting" I apologize. If anything, I was suggesting that we should take a child's claims of identity seriously rather than trying to determine ourselves if they are true. So, in this case, I'd accept the gay child as they claim to be.

 

NOBODY implied that it should be corrected. Everyone can see that but YF. Either has reading comprehension skills or is spoiling for a fight. It was pretty clear that it should be taken seriously but an expert should b the one to determine it. NOBODY recommended punishment or shaming the kid.

 

I'm not sure that counseling / therapy always helps. I guess it does in lots of cases, but in some cases, it can make matters worse. How successful is therapy in issues like this? Seems like a lot of transgendered wind up dead, with a lot being suicides.

 

Just for the record, the noose in the closet incident happened a short time before she decided that she was a boy. What we think also triggered that incident was what her mother said was bullying based upon her physical and mental handicaps. Which is why we're not totally sure that the transgender thing is a cry for attention and/or help, or if it's her legitimate feelings.

 

From an outside perspective, I think the most dangerous avenue is to risk coming across as dismissive or disinterested (not saying you or your family are, necessarily). If it's legitimate (the side I'd err on, personally), the child will need help in considering transition, dealing with discrimination, etc. If it is a cry for attention and/or help, the child still needs something, obviously. Whether that is counselling or acceptance, I wouldn't leave the child to sort through it by themselves if there is fear of self-harm involved.

Needed disclaimer: I'm saying this based on few details, so by no means do I want to come across as self-righteous or like I'm trying to parent this kid from afar. These are just my own thoughts based on experiences I've discussed with others.

 

A large part of it, right now, for us, is caution. Like I said earlier, she had made a very serious allegation against one of their neighbor kids. We've been careful the few times that we've seen them since to make sure that there is another adult in the room when she's with the kids, and the one time that I had seen her, I was careful not to be in the same room with her by myself either. Just in case.

With our kids, we've explained that she's going through a tough time right now, and this is just how she wants to be treated. For the most part, we've tried to be neutral about it until things clear up for her.

 

Didn't think this deserved its own thread, but a few interesting points brought up. The most obvious being whether this was a hate crime or it was just someone she knew and something went terribly wrong. The second being the criticism of local media and law enforcement for misidentifying her gender. Tough to say, because her own family member refers to her as "he," and all the police knew when they found the body was the male given name Samuel and that she was dressed as a woman. There's no way for them to know how she identified herself. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wearing women's clothes doesn't immediately make you transgender, does it?

Investigation into transgender woman’s death continues; vigil planned | TBO.com and The Tampa Tribune

 

For what it's worth, David Sedaris writes that he knew he was gay from an early age, like 6 or 7 years old.

I'd say I knew I was into girls by that age or before.