These (Truly) Are the Worst of Times

You sons of bitches will not besmirch the good name of Billy Joel!

 

Billy Joel sucks. King of overwrought, fake sentimentality.

Elton John is a very talented guy whose music largely does nothing for me. Billy Joel is Thomas Kinkade at a piano.

 

Billy Joel existing gave us the Billy Joel cover band scene in “Step Brothers” so his career was worth it.

 

The guy who played the Billy Joel role at the cover concert yesterday told a story about playing a gig the previous night in San Diego. He was approached by a little old lady afterward. She said that one of the songs they played was too slow. Billy plays it much faster. I want my money back. So yesterday the guy tells the crowd that they are going to play that song now. "And if we play it too slow, remember one thing: I'M NOT BILLY JOEL."

 

I'm not sure there's a more successful musician with a better sense of who and what is than Billy Joel. Yeah, a lot of his stuff is schmaltz. He'll be the first to tell you "Honesty" and "She's Got A Way" are shit. His angry young-ish man phase was dumb in real time. "We Didn't Start The Fire" had good intentions, but...yeah. He'll also be the first to acknowledge he didn't reinvent the wheel, that he just took bits and pieces from all the artists he listened to and made his own hodgepodge. He'll acknowledge most of those artists did it better than him, and that some of his own songs have been done better by others (Garth Brooks w/"Shameless"). For a superstar, he's got no ego--who else brings out guests to perform at his own residencies and gets to single-handedly close out a stadium yet cedes the stage to Paul fucking McCartney for the final song at Shea Stadium?

He also wrote songs that were sneakily resonant. Nobody knows the truth in "Scenes From An Italian Restaurant" until you're 10-15-20 years out of high school. He didn't experience the terrors of "Goodnight Saigon" himself, but bringing out Vietnam veterans and 9/11 first responders to sing the chorus live delivers the powerful experience of seeing ordinary people who were fated into awful situations and performed heroic measures. He was writing about the evaporating Island for fishermen in "Downeaster Alexa," but 30+ years later, it speaks to anyone still trying to make it work on the Island.

And he knew enough to know when he was done. It's been 28 years since "Famous Last Words" closed out "River of Dreams" (literally 28 years ago--per Wiki, it was released on Aug. 10, 1993) and he's recorded exactly two one-off songs since then. He could easily do a rote record every few years and pull a Springsteen by wringing every last cent out of his legacy (like most of us here, I love Springsteen, but the dichotomy of the blue-collar guy getting thousands of dollars per seat to an acoustic Broadway show is still jarring). But his legacy is long recorded, and he's comfortable in his skin whether or not he's appreciated more now than he was then. He's a punk kid from Long Island and all he's ever wanted to do is sing some songs, date some hotties and ride his motorcycles. He's 72 and doing just that.

 

I’ve seen Billy second only to Bruce in concert and Billy was my first favorite artist. Billy never had the discipline or commitment of Bruce. He had a great 3-5 year period and with the exception of a couple of songs (The Night is Still Young) did nothing of worth after Nylon Curtain. Self aware enough to call it quits.

His last 10 years are perfect Billy Joel. Massapequa Karaoke once a month at MSG with the minimum of effort.

 

I'm adamant they'd absolutely already be there if Mick Jones hadn't spent the last 20+ years just shitting all over the band's legacy by turning it into a tribute act. Nobody associates Foreigner with the late '70s/early '80s peak anymore. It's just a parody overseen by the band founder.

 

Any band of white guys that has the balls to actually make a song called “Dirty White Boy” is aces in my book.