Things that irk you......

Is lazy a medical condition?

#justkidding

 

For most, inability to push away from the dinner table is not a medical condition.

 

I can spot lazy a mile away

 

Note to self: hurl abuse at people in electric carts until they prove they aren't just lazy.
Check.

 

Why not? Unless you don't think you can outrun that cart.

 

A person who talks at great length at an otherwise laid back Fourth of July gathering about their work because it's their life's work - as if no one else has spent any amount of time in their field.

 

People who whine about fireworks scaring their pets, as if people shouldn't enjoy a national holiday because Puddles may get scared.

Be a responsible pet owner and take precautions.

 

The best part of July 4th is planing revenge on neighbors who blasted fireworks after midnight. I'm thinking a directional speaker at full blast at 4 am, maybe some Achy Breaky Heart, or perhaps Lee Greenwood. Open to music suggestions.

 

That reminds me of an old joke. Madonna was so upset over the success of my Achy Breaky Heart that she put out her own song called my Itchy Twitchy Twat.

 

I think the increased legality of fireworks is actually a covert method to allow law enforcement to find people who have warrants out.

 

One of the benefits of waking up at the butt-crack of dawn for work is, a few years ago, I had time the next day to drive past the houses of the biggest fireworks offenders and lay on the horn at 5:30 a.m.

 

Nature did not intend for you to survive.