Things to remember if you're going to Wrigley Field

You'll be watching a bad team being managed by a man grossly overpaid.

 

Enjoy the atmosphere and beauty of the stadium - from the outside.

 

. . . alas, the outside is largely spoiled by that statue of the ridiculous Harry Caray . . .

 

If you go to a Cubs game prepared to have your ear drums assailed during the seventh inning stretch by some of the greatest singers of all time like ... Ron Zook.

 

Remember your principal is probably watching TV to see if you're there, so when you catch a foul ball, don't make a big deal of it.

Also, the players love when you shout SWING BATTER BATTER SAAAAWWWING BAT-TAHHHH...

 

" . . . Ferris? . . . "

 

Also, if the score's nothin nothin, da Bears are winning.

 

If they're getting points, yes.

 

Also, that's not Ferris playing the video game. It's a Pat Benatar lookalike who is going to spit at you.

Nah. There's no betting on football!!!!

 

...while you look for a place to park.

 

If you're bringing a car to the game, and you don't have a premium parking pass, you're a goddamned moron. CTA or El train is the only way to go.

 

ouch