This really f*cking sucks

I'm sorry to hear the news KY. Hang in there.

I'll echo what everyone else has said. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you start to, re-read BYH's post again. (That was fantastic, as always.)

 

Last night was a really bad night for me. Thank you, SJ, for all the kind words and advice.

I didn't -- couldn't, really -- get to sleep last night. I kept looking through her photos on Facebook and MySpace, and even e-mailed her mom and posted on here until I finally fell asleep at 5:30 this morning. Like I said on here, every time I closed my eyes, my thoughts drifted to her and something we'd said to each other.

The last conversation we had was, I think, in between doctor visits on the phone one night. She was telling me what all had happened because we hadn't been able to talk for a few days the week before, and I was telling her how much I had missed her. Said I wished there was something I could do to make her pain go away and that everything would be OK again, and she started crying.

She said the only thing that kept her going was knowing she had friends like me who really did care about her, and wanted her to get better. We're both crying at this point when she blurts out, "I love you, Josh. I really do." I told her how I felt, that I loved her too and I'd still love her after she made it through everything.

That time never came, and I never heard from her again. And like I said earlier, every time I IM'd her and she didn't respond, I just thought she was busy and would get back to me. But ... she didn't. And then I found out why.

Sarah Elizabeth was in every one of my dreams last night. I don't remember what all of them were about, but I remember seeing her smiling face and hearing her laughter and taking in everything with her. In one of the dreams, we were at a restaurant with her family, and I was proposing to her. And then I woke up in a cold sweat and with a headache from hell.

My heart still aches. And my mind is still trying to wrap itself around the fact that she is gone. Someday, hopefully, I'll come to grips with this. And someday, I'll be able to forgive myself for letting us drift apart.

 

so very sorry for your loss. makes me pause to wonder what has happened to several omce-indispensible friends of yore. one in particular i've tried tracking in the last 20 years, to no avail. i fear the worst, that she might no longer be of this world.

i agree with those who have said she knows you loved her and think of her always. keep her in your thoughts and heart, ky.

 

I'm not sure how much help this may be, but I'd try reaching out to her parents. As any parent would, I'm sure they are going through a lot right now, too.

 

I e-mailed her mom last night after I found out.

She hasn't responded, but did add me as a friend on Facebook.

 

KY,

Sorry to hear about your loss. Hang in there.


I've actually been debating about posting about my bad news as well.

My 49-year-old uncle, who encouraged me to follow my dream and write, no matter how little money I made, and had a massive heart attack on Thursday. Today we found out he has no brain activity. He was a writer himself. Not a sports journalist, but an advertising copy writer, then later, creative director.

Although none of you know him, you all are very familiar with his work.
His creative team wrote Chevy's original "Like a Rock" Campaign in the mid 90s, and later, the Pontiac Grand Prix "Wider is Better" spots.

He was also responsible for implementing the "Pontiac Game Changing Performance" promotion that ran constantly during college football season. Knowing my love for college football, he let me help pick the classic clips that were in the running that first season. He ended up putting in Kordell Stewart's Hail Mary at the Big House despite my best efforts to keep it out. He was a fellow MSU grad - and always hassled me because I rooted for UM.

His son was telling me today that he was nervous Wednesday night because on Thursday he had a conference call with Samuel L, to do some voice over work for the GM spots. Samuel L, was the only person who was ever able to fluster him. Even after they had worked together many times.

Anyway, sorry to threadjack. Just had to get that off my chest.

 

Damn Mustang, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you guys get a miracle.

 

Thanks BYH, we do to. Sadly, at this point it's pretty much over. They are keeping him on life support for a few more days so the family can attend his 18-year-old daughter's graduation.


I guess the only good advice I can give is this: to all the sportswriters out there who are stressed out from the fast-food lunches/dinners at the desk, 70 hour work weeks, and whatever else, go get a stress test and take care of that health.

 

Kind of off-topic here, but I'll post anyway.

A few months ago, a son of one of my mom's friends friended me on facebook. A couple weeks ago he died suddenly, and I had to tell my mom. All of his friends were posting RIPs on his page.

Now his birthday is tomorrow, but no one has taken his page down. It's eerie; the way it keeps showing up on my home page.

 

Very sorry for your loss. It's hard not to beat yourself up for not knowing, but I'm glad she had a good friend.

 

Sorry to hear that, Mustang. At some point, you'll realize how young 49 is and then it will hit you again. But he sounds like a good guy and had a good life. It's human for us to want more, but as grownups we have to accept that isn't always the case.

 

That's really well said, crusoes. I don't think I've heard it put that way before, but that's a perfect sentiment.

It's hard for us to accept that death is real, and that it's inevitable. Doesn't make it any less painful, but I think it's something we could all do better at coping with.