To our Jewish Friends...

Gut Gebentched Yur!

 

My grandma called and asked if I was getting time off for Passover. I told her I don't know, check back in about 6 months.

Old people make me laugh. I know, it's sad. But she's 88. I laugh.

 

On the other hand, you are easily amused... (Squishy... see? You're laughing...)


I'm still trying to understand this cereal thing...

 

Man, you know me too well. And we never did the cereal thing where I'm from.

 

Yeah, not knowing you too well as much as being an easy read...

 

To anyone who will be fasting, I hope it's an easy one.

 

It never is.

I always feel sorry for our rabbi. At least I'm just sitting in the pews while I'm fasting. The rabbi has to stand for a long part of the day.

 

My grandpa refused to fast. He was a Russian-born immigrant who escaped the pogroms with his family when he was 6, after soldiers set fire to the house with a baby inside. He figured he'd suffered enough.

On Yom Kippur, he'd sit in the window of Ashkenaz on Devon Ave, and eat. All day. Everyone coming and going to temple would see him there, eating, all day.

The hell he got from my grandmother had to be ten times worse the fasting. And probably worse than the pogroms.

 

And may his memory be a blessing.

I was always fond of the ancient joke about the guy who caught his friend eating oysters. "Nu, Yom Kippur has an R in it."

 

Do you make kids throw away high-sugar cereal so they have something think about when they're hungry?
'I sure am hungry. I wish they hadn't made me throw away all that Count Chocula the other day.'

 

You're supposed to throw stones, casting away your sins.

Gave the kids way too much to think about on the way to the ER, after taking an 8 pound rock to the frontal lobe.

 

that is one way to get out of services