Today in tone-deaf newspaper columns

Ol' Clark is too Ol' to be driving, or writing for that matter.

 

After over three million miles of driving and using my turn signals religiously, Ol’ Clark was pulled over for not signaling a right turn.

If you multiply how many years he's been eligible to drive (68) times the average amount people drive a year (15,000) it comes to 1,020,000. To triple that, as he alleges in the first sentence, he'd have to average about 45,000 miles annually, something only truck and bus drivers do.

Ol' Clark is as shitty at math as he is signaling.

 

I don't know. An old-timey newspaper reporter could've ran up that kind of mileage. Maybe even on the paper's dime back in those days!

 

My first regret was reading a column in which a man refers to himself in the third person and as "Ol' Clark." He deserves to be arrested for that for ....something. Somebody figure out a charge. Misdemeanor being an old fart?