Top-five things chicks don't get about us

No, you're a pussy.

 

That line of thinking goes against every stand-up comedy bit of the past 50 years, Ms. Bear.

 

Almost all of it performed by men.

 

That's my procedure, too. The seat always goes down. So does the lid. She can lift the lid. Shared effort.

 

I'm wearing cargo short right now, so screw all you anticargites. From April to October, if I'm not somewhere where I need to be dressed up or out chasing tail and spitting game, I'm probably wearing cargos. If I'm not wearing cargos, I'm wearing mesh shorts. And, really, is there a single greater feeling than coming home from a long day, throwing on some mesh shorts and kicking back in front of Sportscenter? OK, you got me, I'll take a BJ or the feeling of getting the game-winning hit in Game 7 of the World Series. But, still, you get what I'm trying to say. And I think the game-winning hit would merit a BJ or two at a minimum, so that's really just one stone killing two birds.

That all gets me to some additions for the list - despite the fact that I am, at the moment, single.
1) Why mesh shorts are a godsend.
2) Why any chance you have go free ballin' is a chance you should take.
3) Why we really can't explain why they're so awesome (OK, I suppose I can if really forced to). BJs are glorious and should be offered more often.
4) How we can probably find a way to quote "Back To The Future" at some point each day. Get used to it.
5) Why we love you being naked around us, even if it is at a time when nothing is going to lead to sex. But we're open to it leading to sex if you are.
6) Why we can play video games for hours upon hours and why your NCAA powerhouse from your liberal arts D-III college turned Big Ten perennial contender built again and again slowly each time the new edition of the game comes out is one of the most important things in your life, even if you're the only person who really knows anything about it.
7) Why going to the mall in the middle of a college football Saturday or NFL Sunday might as well be a death sentence.
8) Why we just can't get enough of seeing women we are Facebook friends with in bikinis.
9) Why we always remember our first and how we can dictate the play-by-play to this day if need be.
10) Why we have to know about the other guys you slept with and why our relationship together will never be fully functional if we don't.
11) Why I don't want to wear a condom. Ever.
12) Why just seeing those tits once day will make us significantly happier.

 

Methinks you need to get some, dude.

 

No doubt. And then I'd have even more things to add.

 

Once we're past our early twenties, your drinking stories will bore us unless told with wit and panache. Once we're thirty, unless you're Dorothy Parker, they'll make us somewhat pity you.

Every guy you dated previously was a jerk and/or loser? Wow, I look forward to joining that list.

Ok, I admit it. Sometimes when I look like I'm thinking about something deeply, my mind is totally and utterly empty. Nothing but static. (However, other times, I was pondering the later writings of Saint Francis of Assisi and how they foretold the responses of the Church three centuries later to the challenge of the Reformation. I was about to finally resolve my own troubling crisis of faith when you broke in to tell me about your mother's backache. Thanks.)

 

Re: Toilet seat.

Gravity only works in one direction.

 

I think it says quite a bit that a toilet seat is the one place where men are apparently willing to put their foot down. (But not the seat)

It's a toilet.

Women really do rule the earth.

 

That's the point.
Women don't compromise. Men are always the ones who compromise in household matters.
That's why I've made a stand on this issue.

 

I compromise on television and movie viewing, financial decisions, A/C usage, chores and social plans.

All I ask for is a dry ass.