Top-five things chicks don't get about us

My wife and I were just the opposite. We both wanted kids when we were younger, now, not so much. The dog'll do just fine.

We will just spoil the shit out of nieces and nephews!

 

Some folks aren't cut out to be parents and it's good that they recognize it rather than do the 'conventional' thing and make themselves and future kids unhappy. I'm nuts for my nieces and nephews and I love JR's kids more than I can say. However, I've never felt the need or wanted to have kids of my own.

I could have made some kid really, really neurotic though.

 

Isn't that part of a mother's job description?

It's not? What?

 

I dunno ... my Dad did as good a number on me as my Mom did.

 

Be more judgmental.

 

The same people who will be taking care of you: nursing home attendants. Having children is no guarantee that anyone will take care of you after retiring, because they are their own people and might not wish to do that.

If that was someone's main reason for having children (not saying it's yours), then they clearly haven't thought it through, because there are a lot of things that could cause your child not to be there for you when you get old. The child could think you did a sub-par job as a parent and not wish to help. He or she could move to the other side of the country. He or she could enter the military, or even, God forbid, suffer an early death or serious injury. All of these would mean the child is not there for you when you thought they would be, and that leaves you in a terrible situation where you wasted the money you could have been putting toward retirement on a child you had for the wrong reasons.

The reason to have a child is because you say to yourself, "I want one (or more), regardless of cost or headaches or issues." If that's what you think, then go ahead and have kids. If you're trying for security, you're better off putting that money you would have spent on kids in a 401(k).

 

NightH,

Your convictions are your own, and I don't mean to dissuade you but I think the logic is fascinating.

For religious reasons, you don't plan to have sex with a woman before marriage or even after marriage because you don't want kids. But you possibly could find a woman who can't have kids and then it would be all right to get married and have sex.

Is that correct?

But doesn't the Bible teach you that God wants you to get married and have children? If fact, doesn't the Catholic church really, really want you to get married and have children?

If you are willing to go against that, why worry about whether your seed might be spilled for naught?

 

I'm not just talking about having kids. I'm talking about having a partner, someone to grow old with, who you have a commitment to and will be there for you. The older you get, being alone is HARD. I'm saying this as someone who likes being alone and is very much happy with my life. You seem completely dismissive of sharing your life with someone else because you won't have sex. Forget the nursing home part. Whose house are you going to on Thanksgiving when you're 70? Who is going to eat all the cheesecake you're making? Who will be happy for you when you do something you're proud of? Maybe you have siblings or other close relatives or friends who you know will be in your life forever. But maybe not.

Just trying to share what I've learned as I've gotten older. But I guess you're 23 and you've got it all figured out already.

 

I read that article too (and several others, I've thought about this a lot). I don't really have that selective memory anymore. I tend to see things as they really are, which, if nothing else, does not make me very popular among other sports fans.

I think it's unlikely I'd romanticize having children, given my personality and knowing what I've learned over the years. It could happen, but I don't see it as likely.

Mod, I go on what I've seen. I saw my mother struggle to raise five children on her own after my father's death. I have a great relationship with her, but I don't often see her as a happy person. I've seen people I've worked with who are married with kids and complain all the time about it. At my last paper, the most miserable people were the ones who had families. The happiest were myself and my editor, and both of us lived alone.

There's also the side of the coin where I see parents and children who are happy over something that makes no sense to me. I'm sure some of you have seen families who do an Elf on the Shelf at Christmas. My two young cousins love it and honestly believe that a plastic elf watches them and reports to Santa Claus. Personally, I think the whole tradition of both are totally stupid, so when I get asked about it, I just change the subject because I'd rather not add to the lie, nor ruin what their parents want them to have fun with. But I see these silly things parents do and realize they don't appeal to me, and I probably would not be a very good parent.

No, you're just trying to be a troll. I never said God is okay with masturbation. I know he isn't. The other two, however, are perfectly logical. The Lord never said you have to get married. Otherwise, faithful priests would neither be single nor celibate. You have a very illogical belief, however, that celibacy is only accepted if you happen to be part of the Church. That is what makes no sense whatsoever.

 

I'm dismissive because the Church will not recognize a marriage unless both parties are willing to have kids, if they are able to have kids. The only way I could marry, be happy and avoid living in sin is I either find a woman who is biologically infertile, or I wait about another 20 years until the kind of women I'm interested in reach menopause and become unable to have children.

So marriage isn't really something on my mind. My mind might change if I meet a beautiful woman who can't have kids tomorrow, or maybe it will change when I'm 45. But for now, marriage is something highly unlikely for me, so it only makes sense to plan for being alone. I'm not trying to be dismissive of your advice, but my combination of being a faithful Catholic with no desire to reproduce does make it a bit of a different situation.

And to answer your questions: I never thought I'd get Thanksgiving off, the newsroom absolutely LOVES my cheesecake and I tend to tell absolutely nobody when I do something I'm proud of because I shun positive attention, making my personality even stranger.

 

Just because it's hilarious:

Now we know what his real mission is!!

 

Because one is a sin and one isn't. The Church hopes for its members to marry, but there is no sin if they do not as long as they also abstain from sex. My ultimate goal of this life is Heaven, so I have no desire to live in sin. So, looking at the situations:

Sex before marriage = Sin
Sex after marriage with use of contraceptives = Sin
Vasectomy = Sin
Fall in love with a woman you want to marry, but will not have kids while both are biologically able = Invalid marriage, living in sin
Sex with a woman you are married to who is infertile = No sin
Never marrying and abstaining from sex = No sin

So the last two are my only options, if I want to live my life to maximize my happiness and chances to reach Heaven.