Top-five things chicks don't get about us

1 silence
2 space
3 coming home from work, pouring a drink, drinking it and going to bed without saying a word
4 when I say I'm fine, I'm fine, so when you say you're fine, I assume you're fine
5 I don't care that I'm wearing brown socks with black shoes/pants and you're probably the only one who notices

 

I heard their periods attract bears.

 

That's for the "Top five things bears don't get about chicks" thread.

 

You pay the bear tax! I already pay the McGwire tax!

 

Next thing you know, you got Brian Urlacher and Jay Cutler at your house and all hell is breaking loose.

 

"Brian, does this eye black make me look like a pussy?"

"No, Jay, not playing in the second half of the NFC title game makes you a pussy. And marrying that reality bitch. What the fuck, bro?"

(I imagine Urlacher throws the word 'bro' around liberally.)

 

On a long list of dickish things, this is pretty much A-1.

 

Also, don't know it this has been mentioned in detail but yes, honey, I do like to take my time on the crapper and. yes, most of that time is spent reading.

I don't know why I do it, I just know that reading while pooping is awesome. You should try it.

 

If you ask me which pair of shoes look better and you don't like my choice, why are you asking me in the first place?

 

For confirmation.

 

3a If you fail to adhere to all of these, expect a black eye...I mean, a fall into a doorknob.

Why get married if these qualities are on your list?

 

Should I go with red or blue shoes?

Red.

But I want to wear the blue ones!

Then why the hell did you ask me?