Top-five things chicks don't get about us

Plus, penises.

 

They're apparently very interested in penises.

 

:'(

 

Of course farting (and belching) is funny. It's one of the three pillars of comedy, along with nut shots and falling down.
Cavemen laughed when they passed gas. The ancient Egyptians and Greeks laughed at it, and so did Christopher Columbus. A thousand years from now, when the next great human empire walks the earth, one of them will cut one in an elevator and laugh at it, too.
It's humor that stands the test of time.

 

Yeah, but I drive better.

Anyway, you're the navigator for a reason. I can't tell north from east

 

True dat.

 

Since I'm pushing 50 and she ain't far behind, there won't be any kids. And I know her well enough to know she won't be changing all that much at this point in her life.

 

Ditto.
"Man" things I do with Dr. J:
Play video games, watch football, play fantasy leagues, read, hike.
The man can not to a load of laundry to save his life though. Tuesday he left two loads to fold in one basket -- with my linen pants on the bottom, towels on top.
Oh, and guys, put the fucking seat down. Somebody mentioned earlier that we can see it so we can put it down. Oh yeah? I don't take my glasses with me to the can in the middle of the night and my vision is so bad that I can't see if the lid is down or not. And it's in the middle of the night. You better believe that Dr. J gets some type of rude awakening like I did if he forgets to put the seat down. It takes to seconds. Just do it.

 

It takes seconds to put it down also...if you know he is prone not to put it down..check before you go...this is a battle no one will ever win.

 

Sorry guys, I'm going to side with the chicks here. It only takes a second to put the seat down. Stop being inconsiderate.

Now, chicks, get back in the kitchen.

(I keed, I keed).

 

I'll never budge on this issue.
It takes the same time and effort for a woman to lower the seat and then put it back up when she's done as it takes a man to raise the seat and then put it back down when he's done.
Both present a risk: She wanders into bathroom groggy from sleep and almost falls in. He wanders into bathroom groggy from sleep and pisses on the seat.
Unless she is compromising on some other issue, I'm leaving the seat up because there is no reason that her down-seat preference is the default setting.