Transformers: Dumb, but entertaining (possible mild spoilers)

The Will Smith-Martin Lawrence Bad Boys was an insult to the excellent Sean Penn film of the same name, in which he is in a juvenile correctional facility. God forbid they come up with a new frackin' name for a stupid movie.

As for the rest . . . . Bay's films are all relative. Mindless stuff with things blowing up left and right. Armageddon was entertaining, Transformers too. But Transformers had a certain expectation attached to it, and Bay and friends didn't trust the material (or more likely, the effects) to have robots sustain the narrative. So they get cute blonde analyst chick (complete with BS kanji tattoo AND nose ring, to go with her accent!) and Anthony anderson as extraneous as hell human characters. They get John Turturro to waste the viewer's time as pseudo-military guy who is like Chou Yun Fat in Pirates 3: there to be a name, there to advance the plot for 10 minutes, then there to Exit . . .Stage Left.

I hope they realize the effects are good enough for the robots to sustain the plot next time around. Because the humans outside the Witwickys and Megan "Skinemax is her future" Fox were useless. Even the military guys: "Use these really big, powerful shells to kill them!"

No shit?

 

Hey, what a shock, Mizzou and I disagree on something!

All kidding aside, I think you'd understand the love for this movie if you were young enough to watch the cartoon / have the toys / read the comics when Transformers originally hit the scene.

The plot wasn't great, there were too many human characters and there were plenty of flaws. But that didn't matter for me. Because when it came to the stuff with the robots--and their fights--they knocked it out of the damn park.

For those of us of that age, like I said months ago, it wouldn't and didn't matter if the movie sucked cause it was still the robots of our youth beating the piss out of each other.

My lady surprised me with tickets to a Saturday matinee, and I started ooohing and ahhhing from the first moments Blackout started laying waste.

My only robot-related complaint would be all the Decepticons kind of looked alike, and the end fight did seem sort of disjointed.

Oh, and regarding the G.I. Joe comment about Snake Eyes being blind... I thought he was just disfigured/mute. I mean, he used an Uzi. Blind guys don't shoot.

 

Ditto on all accounts, Omar.

 

Snake Eyes was not blind. He was disfigured. He wasn't 100 percent mute, but as far as I know he only spoke one word in the original comic book series (it was either Scarlett or Shana...same character....for some reason I think they had him using her code name)

 

Right. But someone earlier in the thread linked something about how Snake Eyes wouldn't work in a GI Joe movie cause he was blind.

 

That was my link.

Indeed, one of the bigwigs tasked to work on a GI Joe film, Lorenzo di Bonaventura, identified Snake-Eyes as "a blind character."

So we have a dunce like that trying to make a movie about GI Joe.

 

You beat me to it. I'm assuming the goofball just misspoke and actually realizes that Snake-Eyes can see but does not speak, if only because a blind character would work better on film.

Of course, as I have said before, nothing any fanboy might dislike about Transformers (I keep avoiding spoilers, but I've accidently seen a few) would not be nearly as bad as G.I. Joe without Snake-Eyes. He doesn't need to talk. Just have him kicking ass. Want to do some character develpment? Do some flashbacks to his relationship with Scarlett before he was disfigured and rendered mute and then the accident that did the damage.

Hell, I'd watch a Snake-Eyes movie about Vietnam, the ninja training, the formation of the team and his injuries before some bullshit "Action Force"-type crap.

 

I saw Transformers yesterday. There are some serious holes in the plot and a bunch of "what the fuck?" moments. However, the special effects were incredible. I enjoyed the flick and my wife enjoyed the flick as well. It was just a ton of fun.

I'm not sure how they will make a sequel but it will be interesting to find out.

For the record, I absolutely hated Armageddon. There is no way you can compare the two. There was nothing likable in that movie.

 

Here's the pitch for the Abrams movie:

It's the Blair Witch Project meets Godzilla in New York City!!

 

Even though I am from the "child" Transformer era, I am not going to this movie. I think it is a waste of time and the reviews have sucked.

 

Well, somebody's watching it:

http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/transformers-on-target-for-150m-first-week/

 

Because box-office success always indicates quality. . .