Urinals

You can be the most accurate pisser -- write novels in the snow even -- but sometimes you just can't control that double stream, one of which is squirting all over everything, including yourself.

 

I have no idea what this means. Do you think people in wheelchairs don't pee?

 

WHY WOULD THEY INCLUDE TEETH?!?!

 

The occasional peek, if noticed, is enough to get a man ostracized by his friends and male family members. It's a risk not worth taking.

Talking is more common at the sink (by the way, I never forget a guy who doesn't wash his hands after taking a shit, though I eventually get over a guy who doesn't wash his hands after taking a piss), but it's acceptable at the urinal if you know the other guy.

As far as accuracy, have you ever heard of split-streaming? There are times, particularly after certain activities, in which a man cannot control the angle of his urination.

 

At least they didn't give her braces.

 

A photographer friend of mine was covering one of the political conventions. Probably 2004. He's a chipper guy. Always loudly enthusiastic.

He's at a urinal in the convention arena, looks to his right, and Wolf Blitzer is peeing at the urinal next to him.

"Hey, you're Wolf Blitzer!" my friend yells.

Wolf stares at him and says "You always talk to strange men at the urinals?"

"Only when I watch 'em on CNN!!"

 

Urinal in the house? I dunno.

To prevent the thing from stinking to high heaven, you'd have to be willing to absorb a sizable water bill. And you'd still have the water bill from the still-needed toilet.

I agree, though, that the to-the-floor urinals are the best. My school had them, but I think sometime in the 80s, shorter urinals became de rigueur. Not that I've looked hard, but I don't think I've ever noticed to-the-floor urinals at Lowe's, but they have partial kind.

I blame Reagan.

 

That's the small one.

 

The obvious answer is there is no room in the bathroom for a pisser and a shitter.

 

Have you seen some of these bathrooms people have these days? It's ridiculous. Who needs open space in a bathroom? A bathroom is a room of function. Zen bathrooming is bullshit. You go into a bathroom, handle your business and leave the bathroom. Maybe you read or play on your phone while shitting, but you're ultimately there to shit. There are more comfortable, if admittedly less private, places to do those things.

But people insist on these huge fucking bathrooms. Well, if you're going to have a huge fucking bathroom, at least add a goddamn urinal.

 

Take out the double vanity - seriously, you can't both brush your teeth in one sink - and put in a urinal.

 

My own sink > a urinal