Urinals

That's one thing. If you're drunk, do whatever you need to do to stay upright and not piss all over yourself.
Hand on the Wall Guy that I'm talking about is never drunk, though. He's just gross.

 

And there's always a guy who has to pull a deep fart out of his ass to check the acoustics in the can. And he's always consumed too much shitty draft, suicide wings or the two-toilet, five-alarm Texas chili.

 

I had a piss at a urinal beside Sean Connery in the old Sutton Place Hotel in Toronto during TIFF. He was so drunk that he was doing the forehead leaning against the wall while pissing move.

 

I'm still waiting for an answer on the handicapped thing.

If you can't stand, how can you use a urinal? If you can, why do you need a short one?

 

Is dwarfism a handicap?

 

Let's add a ...what are those butt washing toilets where a flush is like a EUREKA moment?

 

Half the time I'm trying to avoid the piss splashing off the puck or the urinal back onto me.

Sometimes I lean one arm on the wall because it's a satisfying piss and I want to enjoy it.

Sometimes I Duff Man my hips and swirl the stream around the bowl.

 

No. No bidets.

 

It's a bathroom. If you can't fart there, society is dead.

 

Few things in life more satisfying than, mid-piss, blowing one out that had been in deep in your guts. If it has to be in a public bathroom, so be it.

 

What a man's man.

 

Because selective quote-functioning in this case makes you such a poster's poster.