Use of the word "very"

As I said earlier, you need to do a little reading.

A lot of verys and a lot of thats and a lot of ons add up to a longer, less readable story.

It's an ethos that permeates your profession, and you'd do well to try to understand it.

Start with Strunk & White.

 

Whatever.

Or, in your world, very whatever.

 

He seems a bit obsessed with the personal lives of deskers. Perhaps he is the autistic one . . .

 

at my paper, the actual style on that one is dumbometer.

 

yes. yes. strunk and white rule no. 13: omit needless words. where do i take up for needless words?

 

Every time you post, kiddo.

 

Took a while, but worth waiting for. Nicely struck.

 

really? no problem. here's a story i'm working on for tomorrow's edition:

MAN POINTS OUT THAT PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT, PUNCHED IN FACE BY ANGRY MOB

By JD Canon
jdcanon@thenewspaper.com

A man's eyes were scratched out of their sockets at a local Best Buy on Thursday after he wondered why some people wait in long lines for video games while others seemed to be less fanatical about similar things.

After making the comment near a mob waiting in line for Madden '08, several people in line tackled him, while others held him down and scratched his face. Still, others browbeat him on the importance of Madden in their culture.

The man, who was not enthused about Madden but really likes Halo, said, while he wouldn't wait in a long line for his favorite game, he understood and appreciated people who would and their importance to the local and national economy.

"I perhaps foolishly made a comment about borderline autism," he said, "and the crowd just turned. After that, nobody heard what I said. They all kept trying to kick me in the balls."

One member of the mob contacted The Newspaper but wished to remain anonymous.

"How dare that a-hole point out how much we like Madden?" he or she said. "Who does he think he is?"

One assailant was caught stabbing the man on a security camera while screaming, "Playing Madden is my job!" Earlier transmissions of the same tape show the same assailant complaining about what a meager salary he receives for playing Madden and how he was thinking of getting into a different profession.

Police said the man will make a full recovery but warned against others making similar observations in the future.

"It's just not a wise move," Sgt. Strunk White said. "Everyone knows a certain chunk of the population really likes Madden, but people should not ask why if they want to keep their eyeballs in their noggins."

- 30 -

ok, bash away. i'll make sure any mistakes get fixed.

 

That made me laugh. Sorry, guys.

 

If you put forth that kind of effort into not being an asshole, we wouldn't have a problem.

 

Dude, get a different hobby.

 

And I think your lede is a bit wordy.