What can you not do?

I can't find my freaking cell phone, and it's driving me nuts. Housekeepers are coming tomorrow. I'm going to offer a reward if any of them can find it.

 

I cant whistle, cant sing on key, can't drink soda, can't drink beer, can't resist being a wiseass at times, can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke, can't stand medical needles (shots, giving blood, etc.).

 

Ooooh. It's a schooner.

 

Are those dogs fucking?

 

I cannot resist Saganaki when I see it on the menu. Ever.

 

That makes two of us.

21 loves it too.

 

Neither can I, Shottie. Not out of lightweight status or anything; just that bloated, too-full feeling.

And Bubbler, I can't tie a tie either. Had my wife tie all my ties and I slip them over my head. I also can't whistle or hook up a VCR through a cable or dish box and make it work.

I can't stand the smell of rotting food or vomit. Makes me gag, retch, then vomit.

 

It's a paw print. I have to hold them up to my nose, cross my eyes and pull it away slowly.

 

A schooner is a sailboat, stupid-head.

 

I wear a tie maybe once a year, but yeah, that's my M.O. too.

 

On my Jeopardy appearance, I had four ties with me -- all pre-tied. One of the other contestants popped off before hand, asking me if "my mommy tied my ties."

She was the "worm wrangler" I beat.

 

You should have punched her in the face.