What the movies taught you about sports

Or the zenith.

If I were Martin Landau I brag about these in order: 4. Space 1999, 3. Mission: Impossible, 2. Ed Wood, 1. The Harlem Globetrotters On Gilligan's Island.

 

I learned that heavyweight boxing champions can afford to buy robots for their brother-in-law on their birthday.

 

Where does "Ready to Rumble" fit in?

I always figured the Gilligan's Island debacle was the beginning of the end for the Landau-Barbara Bain acting partnership and marriage. "This is the best you could find for us? Fuck you, Martin - we're through!"

 

I learned that Ivy league hockey will give your wife cancer. Whether you say you're sorry or not.

 

That to piss off your best friend to the point where he wants to fight you to the death, take his girlfriend in front of the whole village and announce you want to marry her.

 

I learned that Paul Blake was the only Armadillo alive while the Beatles were still together.

 

I learned it's stupid to line up the whole team's baseball bats on the ground in front of the dugout.

 

Oh, my God, if that isn't the worst TV show ever made, it's surely in the bottom 5.

It made Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea look realistic.

 

Robby Benson is a believable young basketball phenom.

 

That you can kill a Major League outfielder in a steam room and get away with it scot-free.
That if you stalk your team's big-money free agent acquisition enough, he'll invite you into his home and let you pitch to him in front of his beachfront property.

That if two brothers play for a college basketball team, and the more talented one dies, he can still help the team by doing everything in his ghostly powers.

That Chad Bradford, David Justice and Scott Hatteberg led the A's to the playoffs all by themselves.

 

That sweeping the leg - while satisfying in the short term - doesn't guarantee victory.

 

As Daniel-san learned in the second movie, neither does the crane kick.

Despite being told in the first movie that, "if do right, no can defend."