What to do, what to do......

"Honey, did you write a check to Tribune Publishing for $400? The memo says 'the rights to the word Tronc and to name an English Bulldog Tronc at a future date?'"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

 

Any Wagner in particular? Götterdämmerung would be thematically appropriate but out of context without the rest of the Ring cycle.

 

Evidently we're all assuming we'll be beating the odds in more ways than one... but given the scenario, maybe that's not such a stretch.

For starters: Take the lump sum, lawyer up, and vanish overseas (buying a nice condo in Wellington is on hold indefinitely, though). From afar, make large donations to a handful of charities as well as the public schools foundation in my hometown, plus the district for the farm kids outside of town. As for family -- assuming there's a way to do it without leaving them in tax hell -- a one-time payoff of mortgages, credit cards, student loan debt, car loans, etc. plus a small trust to use at their discretion.

Take 40-50 percent of the winnings and dump it into some boring index funds or whatever it takes to secure me a steady income of a few hundred grand a year. I'd probably take the rest and do something spectacularly wasteful with it, like start a podcast network or buy a lower-division soccer team and try to live out my delusions of Championship Manager glory.

 

Mega Millions rolled over.

Hell, if I won that I might buy Lee Enterprises (terrible investment, obviously), roll it over into a nonprofit corporation, and then put on Joker makeup and stroll into that emergency board meeting Mary Junck would call so I could fire Mary, her sycophants on the board and a whole bunch of senior managers.

 

Buy the Red Sox, move them to Austin.

 

Rumor has it the IRS allows a one-time-only gift to your spouse for up to $60,000. Tax-free. IRS can't touch one cent. It's legal. Ask the IRS. They'll say the same thing. I feel stupid telling you this. I'm sure you would have investigated. But you do need someone to set it up for you. That'll cost you. A lawyer. I suppose I could set it up for you. That would save you some money. You get the forms, I'll prepare them... ...nearly free of charge. I'd only ask three beers apiece for each of my coworkers.

 

IIRC, you can give $15K per year to a person tax free.

Maybe that’s gone up in recent years.

Still, I’m sure they’d be like, $15K, WTF?

Ungrateful sumbitches.

 

Still trying to figure out how to spend last night's winnings of $6.

 

Net?

 

That's a really shitty hooker and you have to lick her nostril to get some blow.

 

Sooooo, it's up to $1.6 BILLION now. Golly. Wonder where it will be by Tuesday.

I stopped Friday afternoon to grab a couple of tickets. Pretty long line.

 

Retire. Buy a house out here. Buy a house in New Mexico. Buy a condo in Hawaii or maybe Mexico. Make sure my parents are set. My nieces and nephews too. Host a big ass family reunion. Host a big ass three-day party at a beach house. Maybe start a foundation where I can be the lynchpin on helping worthy non-profits take off.